‘I am used to being excellent at everything’: Varun Dhawan opens up about dad guilt, feeling ‘second’ as a parent

His words on the We The Yuvaa podcast highlight a growing but often unspoken emotional reality for many men. According to Dr Munia Bhattacharya, this sense of guilt is both deeply personal and shaped by broader social expectations.

When fathers feel “second”

“When fathers start feeling like they come second to the mother, it can quietly impact their self-worth,” says Dr Bhattacharya. She explains that this perception can lead fathers to question their importance in their child’s life. “They may feel emotionally sidelined, which over time can result in frustration, withdrawal, or even reduced involvement.”

However, she emphasises that the issue is not a lack of willingness. “Many fathers do want to be deeply involved, but they are often unsure how to step into that space,” she notes.

The solution lies in redefining connection. “Bonding does not have to look the same as a mother’s. Once fathers start owning their own style of connection, their confidence and sense of identity improve significantly.”

 

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‘Dad Guilt’

So where does this guilt come from? “It is actually a mix of both internal expectations and societal conditioning,” explains Dr Bhattacharya.

On one hand, many fathers hold themselves to high standards. “They want to excel in every role—as a provider, partner, and parent,” she says. On the other hand, traditional norms still position mothers as primary caregivers.

“This can make fathers feel like they are just helping, rather than parenting,” she adds. The result is a constant sense of falling short. But there is a shift underway. “Modern parenting is evolving. Emotional presence matters far more than perfection. That understanding alone can significantly reduce guilt.”

When children lean towards one parent

“This is very normal, especially with younger children,” says Dr Bhattacharya. “A child leaning towards one parent is often a developmental phase, not a rejection.”

She advises fathers not to take it personally. Instead, focus on building connections gradually. “Rather than forcing it, fathers can create a unique bond through play, routines, shared activities, or even small everyday moments,” she suggests. “Consistency and patience are key.” Over time, this approach helps build trust and confidence. “When fathers stay emotionally available without comparison, they begin to feel more connected and secure in their role.”

Moving from guilt to meaningful involvement

One of the most important mindset shifts, according to Dr Bhattacharya, is letting go of comparison. “Parenting is not a competition. It is a partnership,” she says. Fathers don’t need to mirror the mother’s approach to be effective. “They can create their own style through storytelling, humour, problem-solving, or shared activities. These become powerful bonding tools.”

She also highlights the importance of communication. “Open conversations with your partner help maintain balance and clarity.” Ultimately, it’s the small, consistent efforts that matter most. “When fathers stop trying to prove themselves and simply focus on being present, parenting becomes far more fulfilling and less stressful.”