Hema Malini opens up about grief, says ‘can’t imagine life without Dharmendra’ after 57 years together: ‘I miss him every minute’; how to deal with loss of a long-time partner

She also spoke about her bond with the Deols — particularly Sunny and Bobby — and dismissed rumours of a rift that had started gaining traction after both families held separate prayer meetings for the last star.

“It has always been very nice and cordial. Even today, it is very nice. I don’t know why people think something is wrong with us. It is because people want gossip. Why should I answer them? Is it necessary for me to give an explanation? Why should I? It’s my life. My personal life, our personal life. We are absolutely happy and very close to each other. That’s it. I don’t have anything more to say about this. I don’t know what stories people are making up. So sad that people use others’ grief to write a few articles. That is why I don’t answer (such speculation).”

Hema Malini and daughter Esha at the late actor’s prayer meet. (Express Photo: Anil Sharma)

Taking a leaf out of the veteran actor’s expression of grief, let’s get an insight from a psychotherapist on how to deal with the demise of a long-time partner.

When a person loses a long-term partner, the grief that follows is unlike any other loss. It is not only the absence of a loved one but the sudden dismantling of a shared life that was built slowly over years, sometimes decades. “This kind of grief does not announce itself loudly. It moves quietly through daily routines, familiar spaces, and moments that once felt ordinary but now carry an unexpected weight,” said psychotherapist Delnna Rrajesh.

Emotional rhythms, habits, decision-making patterns, and even stress responses become shared over time. Delnna noted that the nervous system learns safety through another person’s presence. “When that presence disappears, the body struggles to recalibrate, even when the mind understands the loss. This is why grief after a long marriage often shows up physically and cognitively, not just emotionally. People report fatigue, mental fog, forgetfulness, disrupted sleep, and sudden emotional waves that feel disproportionate to the moment. These are not signs of weakness or decline. They are signs of a nervous system learning to function without its long-standing anchor,” added Delnna.

The pain of losing a life partner is not softened by age. In many ways, it is intensified because the loss touches identity, history, and the future.

Another layer that often accompanies grief after a long partnership is anticipatory fear. The loss of a spouse brings a heightened awareness of ageing, vulnerability, and future losses. “This can lead to anxiety that is difficult to articulate. What looks like withdrawal or silence from the outside is often the mind and body trying to create emotional safety in a suddenly unfamiliar world. In such moments, privacy becomes essential. Grief needs space to integrate. Being pulled into explanations, public narratives, or social speculation can feel deeply intrusive. Silence, in these cases, is not avoidance. It is a form of self-protection. Healing requires containment, not constant exposure,” said Delnna.

So, how does one move through grief without being overwhelmed by it?

*Understand that grief does not follow a timeline. “There is no correct duration for mourning, no milestone after which life should feel normal again. Healing does not mean forgetting or moving on. It means learning how to carry love and loss together without being consumed by either,” said Delnna.

*It is also important to allow grief to coexist with life. “Many people feel guilt when they experience moments of calm, laughter, or even joy after a loss. This guilt is misplaced. Grief does not demand permanent sorrow as proof of love. Love does not disappear because life continues. It changes form,” said Delnna.

*Creating new anchors can help the nervous system stabilise during this transition. “Gentle structure, such as consistent waking and sleeping times, a daily walk, or a quiet personal ritual, provides a sense of predictability when everything else feels uncertain. These small acts are not about distraction. They are about grounding,” said Delnna.

*Equally important is the ability to speak without being rushed to heal. “Grief needs witnesses, not solutions. Being told to stay strong or move on often shuts down emotional processing. What helps is being allowed to talk about the loss without pressure to resolve it or make it meaningful too quickly.”

*Over time, identity begins to reorganise. This does not mean erasing the past or replacing the bond that existed. It means slowly discovering who one is becoming now. “Identity after loss is not destroyed. It is reshaped. The person remains whole, even as they change,” shared Delnna.