Expert reflects on Ameesha Patel’s choice to prioritise career over marriage: ‘I had one serious relationship, and it was before I joined films’

Patel also shared that her career and personal life often pulled her in opposite directions. “People who love you will let your career prosper. I have lost a lot for my career, and I have also lost a lot for love. I have given up both things for the other, and I think that I have learnt from both. For example, I had one serious relationship, and it was before I joined films. He belonged to a very big industrial family from South Bombay, like mine. Had the same background and education, and the family setup was the same. It ticked all the boxes, but when I decided to go into film, my partner did not want a person in the public eye, and that is how I chose my career over love.”

Despite those choices, she hasn’t closed the door on companionship. In her own words: “I am all up for marriage, as long as I find someone worthy. They say that ‘Where there is a will, there is a way,’ so the person who finds me through everything and mauke par chauka maarlege (takes advantage of the situation) will be my person. I still get all kinds of proposals from a lot of well-to-do families. People half my age want to take me out on a date, and I am open to it because a man has to be mentally mature. I have met a lot of people older than me who have the IQ of a fly.”

How common is it for individuals to prioritise self-identity or career before marriage, and what impact does this have on long-term happiness?

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Many individuals, especially women, increasingly choose to establish a strong sense of self and independence before marriage. From a psychological perspective, this fosters autonomy, self-efficacy, and higher self-esteem, which are vital for long-term well-being.” 

Prioritising identity or career helps create a secure base, she adds, making relationships healthier because they stem from choice rather than dependency. Research shows that when people feel fulfilled in themselves, they tend to form more stable and satisfying partnerships later in life.

Trade-offs between relationships and professional aspirations

Trade-offs between career and relationships often create cognitive dissonance—conflicting values pulling in different directions. Gurnani states, “Psychology suggests that balance is less about dividing time equally and more about aligning decisions with core values. When individuals sacrifice one domain entirely for the other, it can lead to regret or burnout. A mindful approach involves recognising personal needs, setting boundaries, and adopting flexibility, allowing both love and ambition to coexist without one erasing the other.”