By Santosh Sharma
Have you seen personal relationships becoming a burden and even falling apart? Have you experienced people shouting and getting aggressive when they are angry?
It’s a new normal in this present-day world. We see husband and wife having huge differences with each other, colleagues-superior-subordinate relationship in tatters, relatives and even siblings becoming enemies and friends stabbing friendship every now and then.
We see people shouting even when they are next to each other (may be only a feet away). It is because they may be physically in close proximity but their heart and mind is very far away, properly boxed and sealed – not open to listen and understand the other. And so these people try to scream to reach out to the other person.
However, the fact is even after screaming on top of their voice they fail to touch the heart and mind of the person they intend to. This represents a stage when people interacting are boxed in their mental cages.
Even you and I get caught in our own mental cages and spoil our relationships in seconds which we may have built over a period of time.
On the other hand have you seen love birds interacting? Even when they whisper on their phone the beloved is able to listen when he or she is far away. Not only this at times they don’t even whisper and the message is communicated. When our boxes dissolve we have no barriers. Relationship flourishes and there is less scope for misunderstanding.
All relationships must be built from the fertile plane where the Gang of 5 internal villains called LFEAD are right-sized. L in LFEAD represents Limited understanding of self. When we have a limited self-understanding our area of concern and area of influence is we ourselves and not our relationship or the people we are related to. This gives rise to Fear within causing insecurity which in turn triggers our Ego making us self-obsessed – now I takes over the relationship.
This further leads to Attachment to ones views only ultimately creating a Dominant mind that is closed to the views of others. This LFEAD is the root cause of all complications in personal or professional relationships. LFEAD makes us self-centred and infects our personal relationship making it conditional, short lived, superficial, topsy-turvy and even transactional in nature.
Our internal villains or LFEAD creates invisible walls within, around, between and among people separating us from each other. And these walls are more tricky and dangerous than any physical walls we can ever build. These walls are created by us and it separates us from others. Therefore, we give more importance to our views over others.
In order to improve our personal relationships we must right-size our LFEAD. And we can do that when we dissolve our boxes or mental cages. When we right-size the Gang of 5 internal villains we become free to build relationship with each other from a more potent and fertile platform. Now our relationship becomes deep to take on the twists and turns of life.
So, be the change agent. Be the first to forgive yourself. Also be the first to forgive others. By doing this you don’t give up. You only set yourself free to come out of the vicious cycle caused by LFEAD. This small little shift will give you peace and happiness and will make you more acceptable to others. It will help you evolve to the next stage where you are free to live, grow, lead, create and act more intelligently. LFEAD is the root cause of all the problems. There is a hero in all of us. LFEAD corners that hero. We can see this hero in ourselves and others only when we are free.
We see the situation not as they are but as we are. We can convert all problem into a situation just by rightsizing our villains. Let’s be the mentor of our relationship. We can design a lasting relationship when we hate the sin and not the sinner. Give the hero in all of us a chance to express by first dissolving the villains within. Let’s take the lead. We rise and do not fall by doing this.
In the next article we will see how to be successful by dissolving the boxes.
The writer is the cultivator- Freedom Foundation. He is also the author of “Dissolve the Box” and a visiting faulty at the IIMs. He was given the Star Citizen Honour for 2013 and is fondly known as the freedom man. Earlier he worked for Maruti, Ernst & Young, ICICI Bank, Kotak Mahindra and Air India but now his focus is to free individuals and organizations from their internal villains. This new age freedom is also known as Freedom U.0 as it begins with You and the version is zero as the movement has just started.