Why ‘delulu is the solulu’ is trending in modern romance

The idea is of choosing optimism even when past experiences might suggest being more guarded. The phrase itself has roots in online fan communities, where ‘delulu is the solulu’ became a playful way to encourage hopeful thinking. Now, this mindset has found its way into dating culture, where it loosely translates to believing that something good or even magical could happen, even if the situation seems messy, complicated, or uncertain.

But how can this kind of mindset help people stay emotionally resilient in modern dating?

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “Optimism helps, but blind optimism doesn’t. Like that line from BoJack Horseman, ‘when you wear rose-tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags.’ So the idea isn’t to ignore reality, but to stay hopeful and aware. Balanced optimism gives you hope, resilience, and the ability to move forward after disappointment. It keeps your mind open to good possibilities instead of getting stuck in fear or cynicism.” 

She stresses, “But it has to be grounded: seeing both good and not-so-good. That’s where real resilience comes from: hope with clarity, not illusion.”

The difference between healthy optimism and patterns of denial or wishful thinking in relationships

“It shows in how you respond to patterns,” states Baruah, adding that if you keep ignoring repeated bad behaviour (whether consciously or unconsciously), that’s leaning into denial. Being overly biased toward the positive and dismissing concerns (yours or others’) is a sign, too. 

“Healthy optimism feels calm and grounded: you can like someone, but still see their flaws clearly. You don’t idolise them as ‘all good’ or dismiss everything as ‘all bad.’ There’s nuance. You are open, but not blinded. That balance is key,”

Maintaining a sense of hope and openness while setting realistic expectations 

According to Baruah, it starts with not idolising people. No one is 100% good or bad. Try to see people as they are, not as potential or fantasy. That requires self-awareness and self-compassion: knowing your own needs, patterns, and limits. 

“When you understand yourself better, you naturally assess others more realistically. Stay open, but grounded. Don’t swing into cynicism, but don’t ignore reality either. Real hope is balanced: it allows connection, but still protects your emotional well-being,” concludes the expert.