‘He’s not my type’: Deepika Padukone once recalled first impression of Ranveer Singh

What does it mean to have ‘a type’?

Gurleen Baruah, Existential Psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, said that a lot of us think our ‘type’ comes from genuine attraction, but often it’s just a mix of habit, familiarity, and unconscious patterns. “People make mental checklists like height, certain look, certain personality, and this feels like a preference. But psychologically, we are also drawn to what our nervous system recognises as familiar,” she told indianexpress.com.

According to her, this familiarity stems from childhood dynamics, old wounds, or the kind of relationships we saw growing up. “Even if those patterns weren’t healthy, the mind can treat them as normal. So, people end up choosing the same kind of partner again and again; not because it works, but because it feels known,” she explained.

Deepika and Ranveer got married in 2018. (Source: Instagram/@deepikapadukone)

Taking inspiration from Padukone, if you too want to open yourself up to a whole world of dating people outside your comfort zone, Baruah suggested that you start by separating preferences from values. Physical traits or surface qualities can feel important, but they don’t tell you how someone will show up in a relationship.

Baruah often asks people to sort what they want into three buckets:

• Non-negotiables (your core values — respect, empathy, stability)
• Good-to-have qualities
• Things that don’t actually matter as much as you think.

This helps broaden your dating pool without compromising who you are at your core. “Also, try not to judge too quickly. Sometimes people reveal warmth, humour, and depth only after a little time,” she said, adding that expanding your type isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about realising that compatibility often grows quietly, not always in the first 10 minutes.

What should you keep in mind?

Baruah said that meaningful chemistry often feels calmer than people expect. It shows up through small signals: how the person speaks to others, how they listen, how respectful they are, and how safe your body feels around them. You are not performing with them. Instead, you don’t feel like you have to impress.

“Novelty, on the other hand, can feel like an adrenaline rush — exciting but unstable. It’s the dopamine spike of someone new, not a genuine connection. And desperation usually feels like fear: fear of being alone, fear of missing your chance,” she said.

According to Baruah, the best way to tell the difference is time. “Early dates are usually full of curated behaviour; everyone is on their best side. If the connection continues to feel grounded, respectful, and genuinely curious over a few meetings, that’s usually a more real form of chemistry than the initial spark,” she concluded.