Understanding curveball crushing, the dating trend that asks you to ditch your ‘type’

It also invites people to update their dating profiles to reflect real interests and values, go on low-stakes first meets, and take brief notes afterwards to identify patterns that actually matter.

As more daters consider expanding their lens, the central question becomes how to do so intentionally, without lowering standards or ignoring important dealbreakers. That’s where expert guidance can help.

But what psychological or emotional patterns cause someone to repeatedly choose the same kind of partner?

Gurleen Baruah, Existential Psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “A lot of us think our ‘type’ comes from genuine attraction, but often it’s a mix of habit, familiarity, and unconscious patterns. People make mental checklists like height, certain look, certain personality, and this feels like a preference. But psychologically, we are also drawn to what our nervous system recognises as familiar.”

Sometimes that familiarity, Baruah notes, comes from childhood dynamics, old wounds, or the kind of relationships we saw growing up. Even if those patterns weren’t healthy, the mind can treat them as “normal.” So, people end up choosing the same kind of partner again and again; not because it works, but because it feels known.

Loosening rigid physical or personality checklists in a healthy way

Baruah stresses, “It starts with separating preferences from values. Physical traits or surface qualities can feel important, but they don’t tell you how someone will show up in a relationship. I often ask people to sort what they want into three buckets:

1. Non-negotiables (your core values — respect, empathy, stability)
2. Good-to-have qualities
3. Things that don’t actually matter as much as you think.”

She says this helps broaden your dating pool without compromising who you are at your core. Also, try not to judge too quickly. “Sometimes people reveal warmth, humour, and depth only after a little time. Expanding your type isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about realising that compatibility often grows quietly, not always in the first 10 minutes.”

Signs to look for during early dates to recognise unexpected but meaningful chemistry

Meaningful chemistry often feels calmer than people expect. Baruah states that it shows up through small signals: how the person speaks to others, how they listen, how respectful they are, and how safe your body feels around them. You are not “performing” with them, and you don’t feel like you have to impress.

Novelty, on the other hand, can feel like an adrenaline rush — exciting but unstable. It’s the dopamine spike of “someone new,” not a genuine connection. And desperation usually feels like fear: fear of being alone, fear of missing your chance.

“The best way to tell the difference is time. Early dates are usually full of curated behaviour; everyone is on their best side. If the connection continues to feel grounded, respectful, and genuinely curious over a few meetings, that’s usually a more real form of chemistry than the initial spark,” concludes the expert.