The end of a relationship may not always bring closure, causing people to constantly think about the love lost, and their ex. Summer Watson, MHS, PhD and Jen Fontanilla, a certified money coach say there are many reasons why a person may not be able to stop thinking about their ex.
Here are some of them:
1. You haven’t released yourself from the relationship. There may have been some unresolved issue that caused the break-up or you’re still grieving the relationship and you may feel that you never really got closure.
2. You may be idealising the relationship, which means that you might be holding onto some unrealistic thoughts about the relationship or regarding it as better than it actually was.
3. You may be getting triggered by music, a scent, event, or even a certain time of year that reminds you of the relationship.
4. You might be lacking emotional fulfillment in your life and thinking about your ex allows you to hold on to some of the feelings that remind you of a time that felt comforting.
But, how can you find a solution and stop thinking about your ex-partner?
According to the experts, you can consider doing the following:
* It is important to examine your unresolved feelings about the relationship. Take a deep dive into how you are feeling about your ex. Is it sadness, anger, loss, or grief? Identify your feelings, write them down, and explore the steps that you can take to start releasing yourself from the relationship — the decisions you want to make about your life, and the next relationship you choose to be in.
* Think about specific instances where you were in conflict or at odds with your ex. This is an exercise that will support you in two ways. It will guide you to think about the relationship from a realistic framework versus idealising your ex. It will also help you think about how you want to resolve conflict in your next relationship.
* Identify your triggers, understand those were past memories and know it is okay to remember someone with fondness. It is also okay to start making new memories and being with someone whose values are more in alignment with your own.
* If you are feeling emotionally unfulfilled, ask yourself why. Are you living in alignment with your values? Are you living a life on your terms? Are you seeking out friendships that are meaningful? Are you focusing on meeting your own needs versus looking to someone else to meet those needs? Are you making yourself a priority and creating healthy habits that are going to support your mental and physical well-being?
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