People pleasing is often confused with kindness, because on the surface of it, the difference may appear to be minute. But there is a world of difference between the two. While kindness just involves being nice and helping other people out, people pleasing involves doing it at the expense of your own conscience and happiness. Do you think you are a people-pleaser? Here are some signs you need to watch out for. Read on.
Thinking lowly of yourself
A people-pleaser will almost always have a low opinion and low self esteem. They may think they are not enough, thereby seeking the approval of others. The validation that comes from their friends and peers, holds the key to their happiness.
Wanting everyone to like you
A classic sign of people pleasing is wanting everyone’s approval and nod. You are a people-pleaser if you want to be liked by everyone. There is no harm in wanting this, but in a real world, this is not possible. But a people-pleaser may be burdened with the thought of rejection.
Apologising for no reason
You say ‘sorry’ even when the situation has got nothing to do with you. It’s like the word is always at the tip of your tongue. You, therefore, wallow in self pity, and accept blame and then apologise profusely. It is a never-ending cycle. You just want to be accepted and liked, however it may be.
Not saying ‘no’
Someone asks you for a favour that requires you to bend backwards. You want to say ‘no’, but you end up saying ‘yes’, because you do not want to disappoint them or have a confrontation with them. You keep worrying that you will be perceived badly, as a result of which, you end up agreeing with everyone, even if they ask you to take a step outside of your boundaries.
Getting upset after a conflict
Since you are always looking to get along with people, a confrontation, disagreement or conflict gets you extremely upset. You do not want to enrage anyone because you fear you will fall from their grace. This makes you want to apologise, so you can end this commotion and get going again.