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‘I can smell alcohol so well’: Farah Khan revisits her father’s alcoholism and years of financial scarcity; expert on how trauma gets stored in the body

Farah admitted that those years left a deep emotional imprint — one that still lingers.

Farah Khan recalls growing up amid addiction and financial struggle (Source: Instagram/Farah Khan Kunder)

When filmmaker Farah Khan Kunder sat down for a conversation with her close friend Sania Mirza on the podcast Serving It Up With Sania, she revisited a painful chapter from her childhood. She shared that her father, Kamran Khan, once a successful producer, “fell on hard days and took to the bottle.” By the time he passed away, the family had lost everything. Farah recalled that “we had to start working at the age of 15” and even the money for her father’s funeral was borrowed.

Speaking about the family’s struggle to survive, Farah said, “My mother would give room to gamblers to play; that’s how we bought groceries.” She described how those men would “put Rs 5 each in the kitty for the family’s basic survival the next day. Those Rs 30-35 were used to buy milk for the next day, little bhaaji and my dad’s quarter or half bottle. If they didn’t come to play for whatever reason, there was no milk for the next day. If two extra people came, we used to get excited that now we will get mutton today.”

She admitted that those years left a deep emotional imprint — one that still lingers. “It was literally hand-to-mouth. It’s a very depressing place to come back from… I can smell alcohol so well whenever I travel; it triggers a childhood memory for me. I used to stay in college till 6:30-7 so that I didn’t have to go home. Till now, I am insecure about money. I understood why my dad took to alcohol (sic).”

But how does growing up in financial insecurity impact a child’s long-term relationship with money?

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Growing up in financial insecurity, especially when coupled with a parent’s addiction, deeply impacts a child’s sense of money, self-worth, and emotional safety. Chronic financial stress during childhood has been linked to long-term anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulties with trust (Conger et al., 2010, Journal of Family Psychology). When addiction drives instability, the home often feels unsafe, unpredictable, and emotionally barren — leaving the child to internalise chaos as normal.”

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She adds children in such environments often equate self-worth with financial security, developing either an overattachment to money or chronic guilt around spending. The absence of trust and stability replaces curiosity and confidence with helplessness and hopelessness that can carry well into adulthood.

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A post shared by Farah Khan Kunder (@farahkhankunder)

How trauma gets ‘stored’ in the body and sensory memories

Khangarot states that trauma often gets “stored” in the body through sensory and emotional memory. When a person experiences distressing events — like witnessing addiction or instability — the brain links those memories to sights, sounds, or smells present at the time.

“So, triggers like the smell of alcohol can instantly transport someone back to that unsafe state. The body reacts before the mind can rationalise, activating the same fear or tension. Healing involves creating safety in the present: grounding exercises, body-based therapies like somatic experiencing, and trauma-focused psychotherapy help individuals separate the past from now and regulate their emotional and physical responses,” concludes the expert.

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