‘For him, get a little bit more aggressive; and for her…’: Expert reflects on Twinkle Khanna’s dating and friendship advice for son Aarav and daughter Nitara

She also contrasted this with the advice she gives her daughter, Nitara. “With my daughter, I tell her she has to lower her boundaries. She is just 13, and she has to be a little less aggressive. So, whether it’s dating or friendship, or it’s just any relationship, that advice is pretty much the same. It’s how you have to function in the world, not only with somebody with whom you have a romantic relationship. So for him, get a little bit more aggressive and for her, get less aggressive,” she told The Print.

So, how can parents help kind, generous children develop healthy boundaries?

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Kind and generous children often learn early that being ‘good’ means being accommodating. Parents can protect this kindness by pairing it with boundaries.”

She continues, “Model boundaries in everyday life. Let children see you decline requests calmly and without over-explaining or guilt. Teach them to check in with their body and emotions: discomfort, anger, or exhaustion are signals that a boundary is needed. Importantly, praise assertiveness, not just compliance. When children are appreciated only for being helpful, they learn to override their own needs. Raising emotionally healthy children isn’t about reducing kindness, but about teaching them that generosity should be a choice, not an obligation.”

 

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Risks of being overly accommodating in friendships and romantic relationships

Khangarot notes that when a person consistently prioritises others’ needs over their own, resentment often builds beneath the surface. This resentment may not always be expressed outwardly but can turn inward, affecting self-worth and emotional well-being. Porous boundaries make it difficult to distinguish where others end and the self begins, leading to poor self-relationship. 

“Over time, individuals may lose touch with their own needs, wants, preferences, and even values because they are constantly adapting to keep relationships intact. This pattern increases vulnerability to manipulation, emotional exhaustion, and one-sided relationships,” notes the expert. 

How can parents tailor advice differently for children with contrasting personalities?

Children don’t need the same advice, Khangarot stresses; they need advice that fits their emotional wiring. For a highly empathetic child, parents should focus on strengthening boundaries — teaching them that empathy does not require self-sacrifice.

With more assertive children, the emphasis shifts to attunement—helping them recognise how their words and actions affect others and when to soften their approach. “The core values remain the same: respect, consent, and mutual care. What changes is the skill being strengthened,” suggests Khangarot.