‘I felt guilty being treated kindly’: Indian traveller reflects on Afghan women’s reality

In an interview with indianexpress.com, the Bengaluru-based traveller reflected on her solo journey across Afghanistan, describing it as an emotionally intense experience shaped by hospitality, the harsh restrictions faced by women under Taliban rule, and moments of hope that rarely make headlines.

“It was a very complex experience,” she said. “One moment I would experience immense kindness, and the next I would burst into tears because of everything the country has been through. Afghanistan has lived through decades of conflict, and yet there is so much kindness left in its people,” Kumar added.

Travelling with local guides, Kumar visited cities including Kabul, Herat, Bamiyan and Kandahar, interacting with families, female entrepreneurs, tour guides, and locals trying to rebuild their lives under severe restrictions.

‘I was treated kindly, but local women were not’

As a foreign tourist, Kumar shared that she was welcomed into homes, offered meals and tea, and looked after by strangers wherever she travelled. “People would invite me into their homes and take such amazing care of me,” she recalled.

Ankita Kumar in Afghanistan (Photo: Ankita Kumar)

But those moments of generosity were accompanied by an overwhelming sense of guilt. “I couldn’t completely accept that kindness because I knew local women were not being treated the same way. Afghan women continue to live under restrictions that deny them freedoms many of us take for granted,” Kumar highlighted.

The experience, she said, taught her that Afghanistan cannot be understood through simplistic narratives. “The biggest lesson for me was learning to hold all these truths at the same time. It cannot be black and white. Kindness and oppression exist together.”

Resistance exists in quiet ways

Before travelling, Kumar shared that her understanding of Afghanistan had largely been shaped by literature depicting the suffering of Afghan women. While she found many of those realities to be true, she also encountered women challenging restrictions imposed on them in their own ways.

“We often think Afghanistan needs a massive revolution,” she said. “But when you actually go there, you realise resistance happens in very small, quiet ways because open resistance can literally get people killed.”

Ankita Kumar at a gun shop in Afghanistan (Photo: Ankita Kumar)

Among the women she met was one running an online university for around 12,000 girls whose education had been interrupted after the sixth grade. She also visited women-only cafes, underground beauty salons, and met female tour guides working despite numerous restrictions.

“What they want is very simple,” Kumar said. “They want to be heard. Our job is not to speak for them but to amplify their voices.” However, she stressed that Afghanistan is far from uniform. “Herat and Kabul are comparatively more liberal. But when you travel into villages, there were stretches where I didn’t see a single woman for two days,” she said.

The Band-e-Amir National Park experience

One of the most striking experiences of the trip came at Afghanistan’s famous Band-e-Amir National Park. Women are not permitted to remain there after a certain time, forcing Kumar and her group to wake up at 4 am and complete their visit before security personnel arrived.

“We had to finish everything before 8 am,” she said. “When security arrived earlier than expected, we were literally scrambling to leave. It made me realise what daily life is like for them, always being careful, always watching the time, always living with restrictions,” Kumar added.

Hope exists in younger generation

Despite the challenges, Kumar shared some of her most memorable encounters were with young Afghans. She recalled meeting the brother of a woman running the online education initiative, who insisted she meet his sister because he was immensely proud of her work.

“He kept saying, ‘You have to meet my sister.’ That gave me hope,” she said. “Many young people are emotionally aware, open-minded and genuinely want change.”

Another memorable meeting was with a 23-year-old female guide in Herat. “She had an incredible sense of humour despite everything she was going through,” Kumar said. “When I asked if she was angry with the Taliban, she said she understood their conditioning. I was amazed that someone facing so many restrictions could still hold that kind of empathy.”

Encounters with the Taliban

Entering Afghanistan overland from Tajikistan, Kumar’s first official interactions were with Taliban officials responsible for border formalities. She shared that she initially expected every interaction to be hostile but found reality more nuanced.

“Some officials repeatedly asked whether I felt safe as an Indian woman travelling alone,” she said. At the same time, some moments left her uncomfortable. “Some would completely ignore my presence because I was a woman. They would speak only to the men around me.” While she strongly criticised restrictions imposed on Afghan women, Kumar said meeting Taliban members complicated her understanding of the organisation.

Ankita Kumar shares she did not feel unsafe in Afghanistan (Photo: Ankita Kumar)

“I realised not everyone at the lower levels necessarily believes in every policy imposed from the top. That doesn’t justify what’s happening, but it reminded me that people and systems are often more complicated than they appear from a distance,” she shared.

Travelling safely with local guides

Although Afghanistan remains a challenging destination, Kumar said she personally did not feel unsafe because she travelled with experienced local guides who accompanied her throughout the journey and arranged permits required to move between provinces.

Indian solo traveller Ankita Kumar in Afghanistan (Photo: Ankita Kumar)

“As a traveller, you’re not allowed to move around independently. Every city required permits, and my guides handled all of that.” However, what unsettled her most was not personal safety but the constant military presence.

“There were guns everywhere and checkpoints throughout the journey. That creates a constant sense of discomfort,” she recalled.

Afghan hospitality and unforgettable food

Away from politics, Kumar said Afghanistan’s hospitality and cuisine exceeded her expectations. One highlight was visiting a traditional kitchen in Bamiyan, where an elderly Afghan woman prepared local dumplings and other home-cooked dishes.

Kumar particularly recommended Kabuli Pulao, Afghanistan’s signature rice dish. “The food was incredible,” she said. “It’s not spicy like Indian food, but the flavours are amazing.”

Journey into becoming full-time traveller

Kumar’s journey into travel began over a decade ago after she quit a stressful production house job in Mumbai and backpacked solo through Vietnam for a month. “That trip changed my life,” she said. “For the first time, I felt like I had found myself.”

Over the years, she shared that she funded her travels through freelance work before eventually becoming a full-time travel creator through social media collaborations.

Ankita Kumar with kids in Afghanistan (Photo: Ankita Kumar)

Her Afghanistan trip itself was unplanned. She had originally travelled to Uzbekistan and Tajikistan before a local guide persuaded her to use the remaining days on her Afghan visa. Even her parents were unaware of her plans until she returned to India.

“I only told my brother,” she said. “When I came back, I showed my parents a video and gifted them a sign that read, ‘Mummy Papa, I’m fine’ in Pashto.”

‘Go with an open mind’

Reflecting on the trip, Kumar said that Afghanistan deserves to be understood beyond stereotypes while acknowledging the severe restrictions many citizens, particularly women, continue to face. “Go with an open mind,” she said. “Don’t rush to judge. Listen to the people because this is their life, not ours. We can never fully understand what they’re going through, but we can listen with respect, grace and openness,” Kumar added.