Debinna Bonnerjee reflects on life after marriage, motherhood: ‘Mujhe bacche pasand the lekin…durr durr se’

She continued, “And khud ke babies hone ke baad, I became someone who planned her day according to nap times, schedules, cartoon negotiations and everything around my kids. When I met my daughters, I not only met them, but also a version of myself I didn’t know existed. A person who can love selflessly, fearlessly, and irrationally.”

Before motherhood, many women define themselves through ambition, independence, social roles and personal aspirations. Some openly admit that they were never particularly drawn to children. “That honesty does not make them less nurturing; it simply reflects the stage of life they were in. And then motherhood happens. The same woman who once structured her days around meetings, deadlines or travel plans now plans her life around nap schedules, school timetables, meal preferences and bedtime rituals. The shift can feel dramatic, even disorienting. But psychologically, it is deeply rooted in evolution,” expressed Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and life coach.

From her experience, Delnna noted that many mothers confess that they once believed they understood who they were, only to realise that motherhood revealed emotional capacities they had never previously accessed. “The woman who said she was ‘not very fond of kids’ suddenly becomes someone who cannot imagine life without her own child. This does not contradict her earlier self; it expands her,” said Delnna.

Has motherhood changed you? (Photo: AI Generated)

However, alongside expansion comes an unspoken grief. “There is grief for spontaneity, for uninterrupted sleep, for the earlier identity that did not have to negotiate every decision with a tiny human’s needs. Many women carry silent guilt for occasionally missing their old lives. They question whether such feelings make them ungrateful. It is important to normalise this paradox. Missing who you were does not diminish the love you feel now. It simply acknowledges that growth often involves letting go of an earlier version of oneself,” contended Delnna.

 

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Many women say that despite the exhaustion and the identity shifts, they would not return to the version of themselves who had not experienced this love. “That statement is not romantic idealism; it reflects the psychological truth that growth often feels overwhelming before it feels meaningful. Motherhood does not erase a woman’s identity. It reveals dimensions of it that were waiting to emerge,” said Delnna.

The journey is complex, paradoxical and deeply personal. “But for many, it becomes the most profound encounter of their lives — not just with a child, but with themselves,” said Delnna.