What Daboo Malik’s reflection on son Amaal being called ‘short-tempered’ teaches us: ‘He grew up seeing the worst in me’

Daboo went on to acknowledge that he wasn’t always the father he wished he had been. “I should think about how I behaved in front of him when he was growing up. Was I mature enough to bring up a child and give him the right guidance and direction? Was I a father who minded his P-s and Q-s? No, I had many faults. I was temperamental too. He grew up seeing the worst in me.” 

So, how strongly do children absorb emotional responses, such as anger and impulsivity, from their parents?

Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “Children absorb emotional behaviour with surprising depth, often without realising it. In practice, many parents don’t shout at their children, but shout around them — at work stress, traffic, relatives, and daily frustrations. For a child, this repeated exposure teaches one thing: this is how pressure is released.”

He adds that emotional responses are learned through proximity, not intention. A child’s nervous system adapts to what feels predictable. When anger becomes the most visible response to discomfort, it becomes a default. Even if parents later discourage such reactions, the body remembers what it witnessed growing up. 

Steps to help repair or reshape the parent-child dynamic

Repair is less about saying the right thing and more about staying present with discomfort. What helps most is an explicit acknowledgement that centres the child’s experience rather than the parent’s intention. 

Raj notes, “Consistency matters more than emotional speeches–showing regulation in everyday moments, not just during conflict. Another important step is doing personal emotional work separately, through reflection or therapy. When parents work on themselves outside the relationship, the child feels less pressure to accommodate their growth. Repair happens slowly, through changed behaviour, not emotional urgency.”

How individuals can learn to manage anger and emotional outbursts

Many individuals who struggle with anger were never taught what to do with vulnerability. Raj  states that anger often “becomes the most accessible emotion because it feels protective.” The work begins by recognising early physical cues — tightness, restlessness, urgency — before anger escalates. Regulation has to involve the body, not just insight. 

“Therapy helps people separate learned patterns from identity: this is something I learned, not who I am. It also involves grieving the absence of emotional safety growing up. Without that grief, anger keeps repeating itself. Over time, learning to pause, step away, and name what lies beneath reduces the need for outbursts. Anger doesn’t disappear–it becomes more contained, more deliberate, and less destructive,” concludes the expert.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.