‘Meri toh koi participation thi hi nahi na’: What Archana Puran Singh and Parmeet Sethi’s exchange reveals about how parents experience childbirth differently

What followed was playful disagreement, but one layered with deeper meaning. Parmeet interjected, “Meri toh koi participation thi hi nahi na, jammeya ye mai vi hai (Did I not participate? I also have birth to him),” before adding, “Itni partiality hoti hai bhaisahab. Paida hone ke baad baap hi toh sab kuch karta hai (The father does everything only after the child is born. There is so much partiality against fathers).” Archana quickly countered, “Oh my God. Don’t lie in the morning. He is laughing, couldn’t even maintain his lie, he himself is not convinced,” and when asked how Parmeet felt becoming a father that day, she concluded candidly, “Isko kuch pata nahi tha. He had no idea what being a father meant at the time.” 

But why do mothers and fathers experience the reality of parenthood at very different times?

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “For many mothers, parenthood begins early in pregnancy. From the first scan and blood tests to frequent doctor visits, the baby becomes a daily, physical reality. Her body is monitored, her routine changes, and family conversations start revolving around her health, food, rest, and safety. Emotionally, she begins reorganising her priorities and identity much before the child is born.”

She adds that fathers, on the other hand, may be present at scans and appointments but often remain observers. “Their bodies and daily routines usually stay unchanged, and extended family attention is directed mainly towards the mother. The emotional shift for many fathers happens later, often after birth, when responsibility becomes concrete. Sleepless nights, financial planning, caring for the baby, and a visible shift in family dynamics make the role real.”

While preparing a surprise for their son Aaryamann Sethi’s 30th birthday, Archana reflected on childbirth, identity, and how that day reshaped her life forever. (Source: Instagram/Archana Puran Singh)

How sidelining the mother’s transformation impacts their identity

After childbirth, attention quickly shifts to the child’s feeding, sleep, weight, and milestones, while the mother is expected to “bounce back” physically and emotionally. Her exhaustion, hormonal changes, grief over her old identity, and need for care are often minimised or normalised as part of motherhood.

“This lack of recognition can lead women to feel invisible, reduced to a caregiver rather than seen as a person undergoing a profound life change. When emotional struggles are dismissed with phrases like ‘at least the baby is fine,’ many women internalise guilt for feeling overwhelmed. Over time, this can contribute to loneliness, anxiety, low mood, and a fractured sense of self,” stresses Khangarot. 

What helps new fathers move from a functional role to an emotionally present one?

New fathers often shift from a functional role to emotional presence when they are given both access and permission to engage beyond provision. Hands-on caregiving, solo time with the baby, and being included in medical conversations help build emotional bonding. 

“Equally important is acknowledging that fathers, too, are adjusting to a new identity. Couples can reduce resentment by acknowledging that their emotional timelines may differ and by communicating needs without blame,” concludes Khangarot.