‘Hum log KG se saath mein hain aur…’: Akshay Kumar introduces his childhood friend, reveals they failed thrice at school; expert on the impact of peer influence

While the exchange was light-hearted, it raises broader questions about academic pressure, peer influence, and how early failures shape confidence and self-perception.

How can repeated academic failures during childhood impact a person’s confidence?

Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “Repeated failure in school rarely stays limited to academics. For a child, it slowly becomes a statement about who they are. Instead of thinking ‘I didn’t do well this time,’ they begin to feel ‘I am not capable.’ When this repeats itself in an environment where marks carry social weight, it starts shaping identity early.”

As adults, he notes that this often shows up in subtle but limiting ways. “People hesitate before taking opportunities, underplay their abilities, or avoid situations where they might be evaluated. What lingers is not the exam, but the memory of being judged or falling short in front of others.”

At the same time, he says, stories like Akshay Kumar remind us that academic struggle does not decide life outcomes. “The deeper impact comes when failure is repeatedly linked with shame, rather than being treated as something temporary and workable.”

What role does peer influence play in shaping a child’s academic performance and behaviour during school years?

Children are constantly reading the room. In school, Raj explains that peers set the rules for what is acceptable. A child may hold back from answering, not because they do not know, but because they do not want attention. Another may stop trying altogether if effort invites ridicule.

He adds, “In many Indian classrooms, marks are visible and comparisons are routine. Peer reactions can be sharp and immediate. A joke, a label, or even exclusion can push a child to withdraw. Over time, performance gets shaped less by ability and more by the need to belong.” But the reverse is also true. When the peer environment is supportive, when effort is not mocked, children engage more freely. They take risks, ask questions, and recover from setbacks. Much of what we see as behaviour is often a response to the social climate around the child.

How can parents and educators help children cope with failure in a healthy way?

Raj states that a child’s relationship with failure is largely borrowed from the adults around them. If failure is met with anxiety, anger, or comparison, the child learns to fear it. That fear slowly replaces curiosity and effort.

What helps is a steadier response. Acknowledge the disappointment without amplifying it. Give the child room to reflect on what went wrong and what can change, without making it about their worth. The focus needs to shift from outcome to process, from judgement to understanding.

“In our context, comparison is almost automatic, but it does lasting damage. It reduces a child to a number and overlooks their pace. When adults consistently value effort and progress, children begin to see failure differently. Not as something that defines them, but as something they can move through without losing confidence,” concludes Raj.