Aamir Khan pinpoints ‘red flags’ in him that caused his divorces, failed marriages: ‘Whenever I was upset or hurt…’

How can such red flags disrupt relationships, and what can help?

Being emotionally unavailable, not making space for a partner’s needs, and shutting off during conflicts aren’t just bad behaviours; they could also stem from past personal experiences. These red flags don’t bloom out of hatred or malice but because of ignorance, neglect, and bad priorities, said Subhash HJ, counselor and mental health educator, Vasavi Hospitals, Bengaluru.

Persistent suppression of emotions, troubled childhood experiences, social exposure, and many factors contribute to such “red flag” behaviours, he noted.

Here’s what to consider (Photo: Freepik)

Relationships are nourished with your presence and not perfection or progress. “Being emotionally and physically available means more to your partner than your career achievements. Schedule dedicated time for your partner just like you do for your work. Shift from ‘Achievement mode’ to ‘Attachment mode, ‘” said Subhash.

While conflict isn’t the end of love, Subhash said that stonewalling is. “Avoidance doesn’t help you repair your relationship. It is just an unhealthy self-protecting strategy. Repeating such a behaviour can make it a pattern and reinforce it. Take time from your partner, prepare yourself and talk about it openly. Shift from ‘Avoidance Mode’ to ‘Addressing Mode’,” said Subhash.

The good news is that acknowledging and accepting our red flags is the first step to change. This doesn’t mean blaming oneself entirely, but demonstrating a readiness to change. “If Aamir Khan can admit it to the whole world, maybe we can admit it in front of our partners,” said Subhash.