5 min readNew DelhiUpdated: Aug 3, 2026 12:12 PM IST
Quoting Mahatma Gandhi and APJ Abdul Kalam, the Madras High Court upheld the divorce of a man, rejecting his wife’s request to resume their marriage. “Ego and love cannot exist together”, and the law cannot preserve a marriage once mutual trust has irretrievably eroded, the court said.
In an order packed with home truths about marriage and relationships, Judges N Anand Venkatesh and K K Ramakrishnan said matrimonial litigation often becomes “a battlefield where egos seek conquest” and quoted Dr Kalam: “When nails grow long, we cut the nails, not the fingers. Likewise, when misunderstandings grow, cut the ego, not the relationship.”
In domestic life, said the judges, the “noblest victories” are those in which both spouses “willingly surrender” a part of themselves to preserve the whole.
“Unfortunately, when ego takes the place of empathy, every disagreement becomes a battle to be won rather than a problem to be resolved, and spouses become prisoners of their own pride. Communication ceases, misunderstandings multiply, and affection slowly gives way to bitterness,” the July 28 order added.
A spouse who insists on victory in every disagreement may eventually discover that the triumph has come at the cost of the marriage itself, the court said.
A marriage thrives on trust, respect, understanding and the willingness of spouses to place the welfare of the family above individual egos, the judges noted, adding that its sustainability depends upon patience, forgiveness, tolerance and companionship
Wife gave incorrect birth date in horoscope
The couple were married in 2015 and had a daughter in 2016. The husband claimed that the wife and her family had suppressed her actual date of birth and furnished an incorrect date of birth while matching horoscopes – a ritual in many families when marriages are arranged. This was “deliberate and amounted to misrepresentation”, he alleged.
Story continues below this ad
The husband further alleged that his father-in-law was a personal security officer attached to a former Chief Minister and, taking advantage of this, his wife repeatedly lodged false complaints against him and his family, including dowry harassment and cruelty charges.
The man, represented by advocate R Ponkarthikeyan, submitted that their disputes revolved around their daughter’s education. He accused his wife of being addicted to her mobile phone, and claimed she often left with their child without telling him, “neglected household responsibilities, and failed to bring up the child properly”.
Justices N Anand Venkatesh and K K Ramakrishnan uphold the family court’s order granting divorce in favour of the husband, rejecting the woman’s appeal to resume marriage.
The woman, represented by advocate J Barathan, however, claimed that she was subjected to physical and mental cruelty by her husband and his family. She alleged that she was not given proper food, that her mobile phone was taken away, and that she was prevented from contacting her parents and relatives.
In 2022, in the middle of divorce proceedings, the wife filed a case seeking to resume her married life. The husband filed a counter statement arguing that she had no genuine intention to resume their marriage.
Story continues below this ad
A family court accepted the husband’s case and granted a divorce. The wife challenged it before the Madras High Court.
‘Sinful to multiply wants unnecessarily’
Citing Mahatma Gandhi’s words that “it is sinful to multiply one’s wants unnecessarily”, the high court said unchecked desires breed possessiveness, possessiveness nourishes ego, and ego silently destroys the foundations of conjugal happiness.
The court continued with another Gandhi quote, “When the ego dies, the soul awakens. When the soul awakens, all sorrow vanishes,” and observed that ego is “the silent adversary of matrimony”. When ego eclipses reason, even the strongest relationships can collapse because spouses fail to forgive, understand and accommodate each other, said the judges.
The Madras High Court said when ego takes the place of empathy, every disagreement becomes a battle to be won rather than a problem to be resolved, and spouses become prisoners of their own pride. In such a situation, said the court, communication ceases, misunderstandings multiply, and affection slowly gives way to bitterness.
Story continues below this ad
“Where ego enthrones itself, love abdicates; where sacrifice enters, serenity follows. In those few words lies the enduring philosophy of matrimonial harmony,” the court added.
Referring to the facts of the present case, the court observed that the parties failed to imbibe this principle and that their relationship, instead of being rescued by understanding, became “a casualty of unyielding egos”. It added that once understanding departs, even the law becomes powerless to preserve a marriage.
The high court found that until the woman left her husband, she had been treated with dignity by her husband’s family. The evidence also revealed that her baby shower ceremony was celebrated grandly, the court noted.
Justices N Anand Venkatesh and K K Ramakrishnan uphold the family court’s order granting divorce in favour of the husband, rejecting the woman’s appeal to resume marriage.