Written by: Dr Shaunak Ajinkya
7 min readJul 10, 2023 12:30 PM IST
First published on: Jul 10, 2023 at 12:30 PM IST
“Doctor, I’m afraid,” said Sheila (name changed), a 25-year-old graphics designer who had moved to Phoenix, Arizona, USA, for a job opportunity about a year ago. She was originally from Nashik in Maharashtra and had always lived with her parents and extended family. However, after going to Arizona, Sheila started to live alone and began experiencing feelings of anxiety, intense loneliness and isolation. She found it challenging to make new friends in the new city and missed the close relationships she had in her hometown. She said she enjoyed her work but felt disconnected from others. She often spent her evenings and weekends alone. The lack of social interaction and support started to impact her mood and overall well-being. She reported feeling sad, unmotivated to go to work and sometimes anxious about her future in the US.
She had difficulty sleeping and had also noticed a decline in her energy levels. She reported an overall sense of loss of interest in her daily activities and a constant state of longing for meaningful connections, worrying that she will remain alone all her life. Sheila’s recent move to a new city had removed her from familiar surroundings. She described herself as an introvert, making it more challenging for her to initiate conversations and form new friendships. Her demanding job often left her with limited time and energy to invest in social activities or for exploring her new environment. Her social support network had thus been disrupted, leaving her with limited group interactions. On further enquiry, we found there wasn’t any history of substance use. There was a family history of depression in her paternal aunt.
We counselled her about the impact of loneliness on mental health and prescribed a short course of antidepressants in view of her mild anxio-depressive symptoms. She started with Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) sessions to help her identify and challenge negative thought patterns related to her loneliness. Therapy provided a supportive and empathetic space for Sheila to vent and process her feelings openly. Validation and empathy made her feel understood and supported. This helped her appreciate that her emotions were acceptable and that she wasn’t alone in experiencing these feelings of loneliness. We encouraged Sheila to develop more positive and realistic beliefs about making new friends and social connections. In later sessions, we encouraged her to engage in self-care activities, like mindfulness exercises, yoga and to explore her hobbies like singing, that could bring her a sense of joy and fulfilment, independent of social interactions.
HOW SHEILA RE-ENGAGED WITH HER SURROUNDINGS
With the medication and therapy, Sheila improved dramatically in just six weeks. She reported that feelings of sadness and loneliness had gone completely. There was an improvement in her overall sense of well-being. Her medications were tapered and stopped.
With Social Skills Training therapy, Sheila learnt about strategies for initiating conversations, maintaining friendships, expanding her social network and seeking guidance on joining social groups near her place of residence. She reported this helped her build confidence in navigating a new social environment away from home.
BEING ALONE VS BEING LONELY
Being alone is different from being lonely. Being alone is a state while loneliness is a feeling. We can be perfectly happy being by ourselves, but we can be lonely even in a group of friends. Loneliness stems from an underlying feeling of abandonment. A feeling of not being seen or understood either by others or by self. It can also stem from low self-esteem. Studies have shown that chronic feelings of loneliness can have the same impact on your body as smoking or obesity. It can lead to mood swings, anxiety and mental disorders like PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), phobias, addictions, depression and even severe conditions like psychoses or self-harm. That’s why it’s important to differentiate being alone and being lonely.
STRATEGIES THAT WORK
Dealing with loneliness can be challenging but there are several strategies given below you can use to alleviate those feelings. For many individuals, various things work at different times. So, you may try out whichever strategies you may feel comfortable with.
- Recognise and accept that you’re experiencing loneliness. It’s normal to feel this way occasionally and acknowledging is the first step towards addressing it.
- Reflect on the reasons behind your loneliness. Try to understand the underlying cause. Is it due to a recent stressful life event like moving to a new house/school or is it due to a breakup/loss of a loved one? Recognising the cause helps in finding out suitable solutions. Take the time to understand yourself better. Reflect on your interests, values and aspirations. This self-awareness can help you build a fulfilling and meaningful life.
- Expand your social network. Connect with people. Reach out to others. Join social clubs, organizations, or hobby groups where you can meet like-minded individuals. Participate in online forums and social media groups of your interests. Explore online communities. Engaging in conversations with others, who share your hobbies or passions, can help alleviate loneliness. Try not to compare yourself with others, though. Keep in mind that not everything is as it seems. We don’t really know how other people are feeling or what’s going on for them outside of their social media feeds
- Strengthen your existing relationships. Nurture the relationships you already have. Reach out to friends, family or acquaintances and make an effort to spend quality time with them. Take the initiative to call or text them. Suggest a get-together. Plan activities together, have meaningful conversations, or simply enjoy each other’s company. Building deeper connections with the people already in your life can provide a sense of belonging and support.
- Engage in acts of kindness. Volunteering or helping others can provide a sense of purpose. Look for volunteer opportunities in your community. This can help you meet people and form new social connections.
- Involve yourself in activities that align with your interests and bring you joy. Pursue hobbies that interest you. Take up new activities like joining a sports club, taking a class or attending workshops. Not only will you learn something new, but you’ll also have fun and get an opportunity to meet people with similar interests. Spend time with nature or around animals. It can improve your sense of wellbeing.
- Cultivate self-care practices like exercising regularly, eating well, getting enough sleep and practising relaxation exercises. Practise gratitude writing. This can shift your focus from feelings of loneliness to you appreciating the positive aspects of your life. Spend some time each day to acknowledge the things you have, the people in your life and the experiences that bring you joy. Consider either keeping a gratitude journal or sharing your gratitude with others by telling/writing to them. Practices like prayer, mindfulness-based practices or yogic meditation are found to foster feelings of peace, hope, gratitude and forgiveness, all of which improve social connectedness, promote life satisfaction and reduce loneliness
- If your feelings of loneliness are persistent, overwhelming, or accompanied by symptoms of depression, anxiety and related disorders, or self-harm, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. They can help you with treatment, including guidance to develop coping strategies.
Overcoming loneliness can take some time and effort. Hence, don’t be impatient. Take it slow. Focus on taking the small steps given above and moving towards a life which is open to socializing and encountering new experiences.
Being alone is different from being lonely. Being alone is a state while loneliness is a feeling. (Source: Freepik) 
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