The Last Song

Rating: *

Any film that spans Tolstoy to beach volleyball really is asking too much of itself. When it throws in more,from saving sea turtles to rescuing battered girlfriends,from a drippy romance to a dolorous cancer patient,it really is asking too much of us. And,frankly,of Miley Cyrus,who miserably fails as a grumpy teen who’s given up on music and turned a rebel after her parents’ divorce,and who melts after meeting a guy in the summer break.

That guy is Will,played by her real-life boyfriend Liam Hemsworth,as perfect a specimen as ever that walked Hollywood teendom. He is Atlanta-style rich — so a mansion and grounds — but works in dirty overalls as a mechanic and “volunteers” in the local aquarium. Therefore,the sea turtles,over which Ronnie (Miley) and he bond. Beach volleyball allows him to doff that shirt for some serious action,and talk of a late brother lets him shed some tears for some serious emotion.

He isn’t the only man for all seasons though. Ronnie’s father (Kinnear) constructs musical pieces for the piano as deftly as he builds stained windows for the local church.

As for Tolstoy,from all available evidence involving Ronnie toting it around,it remains unfinished.