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Saturday, July 21, 2018

Not Up to Speed

Upon watching Tezz,a dull and derivative film which is a mash-up of Speed and a few assorted thrillers based on speeding objects meeting unmovable body parts,I have learnt a few things,which I will share with you. Fastly.

Written by Shubhra Gupta | Published: April 28, 2012 12:14:39 am

Tezz

DIRECTOR: Priyadarshan

Cast: Ajay Devgn,Anil Kapoor,Zayed Khan,Boman Irani,Kangana Ranaut,Sameera Reddy,Mohanlal

Rating: *1/2

Upon watching Tezz,a dull and derivative film which is a mash-up of Speed and a few assorted thrillers based on speeding objects meeting unmovable body parts,I have learnt a few things,which I will share with you. Fastly.

To move the film from ‘rip-off’ to ‘inspired by’,all you need to do is to move the bomb from a bus to a train,which allows you to stick to the principle. In Tezz,it is: DO NOT LOWER THE SPEED BELOW 60 KMS,OR THE BOMB WILL GO OFF.

London is a city which is run by Indians. They man security systems,they are crack cops,they also know exactly how to find the dodgy whiteys who will supply them with ammo. The desis are so confident that they do not hide. They stride into bad guys’ dens,exchange cash for arms,and banter. Show me the money,says the arms dealer. Ajay Devgn,furrowed brow,menacing tone : first show me the stuff. Oooh.

Bollywood’s leading men may appear to do bad things but they always,always have a pressing reason. Devgn’s character may cause a bomb to be planted on a London-to-Glasgow train,but he is not a terrorist,nor a weirdo,just a guy out to win respect. What was that again?

Irani plays the head of railways security,who reels out lines like: but you can’t do this,my daughter is on that train! Yes,in a Bollywood movie,it’s always about the family. How else would you get emotion into your story?

Kangana Ranaut should be wary of going blonde. Her streaky hair is as distracting as her accent,as she goes through her role of a wife who’s been cruelly separated from her husband. When will this girl learn to speak without eating her words?

Sameera Reddy looks good astride a bike as she careers through roads,and rivers,with a box full of money in a bright yellow suitcase,all the better for the cops to see. But she’s also got a pressing motive — a sibling in need of an operation: remember that one? An eye surgery is due but the fellow already has his eyes bandaged.

Bollywood rules.

Mohanlal is an appendage,speaking a strange polyglot of languages,and the guy who’s there to makes us wince some more.

Kapoor is the cop who is put in charge of finding the bomber,and the bomb. He also tackles racist colleagues,and angry wives,and plays second fiddle to the main act. A fellow cop asks him: who do you think you are,Dirty Harry?

Dream on.

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