No,Thank You

DIRECTOR: Anees Bazmee

CAST: Akshay Kumar,Irrfan Khan,Suniel Shetty,Bobby Deol,Sonam Kapoor,Rimi Sen,Celina Jaitley

rating: *1/2

You know exactly what you are in for,if you’re in a film which has Suniel Shetty delivering the maximum laughs. Thank You promises you a huge passel of nothing: no story,no sense. On all those scores,it doesn’t disappoint.

On one side is this bunch of married men madly playing the field. On the other is the guy who’ll set them right,and reach them back to their wives,after everyone has had their fun and games,and all the worn anti-women jokes,and the plain vanilla corny ones have been cracked.

Just to keep things Bollywood-symmetrical,there are three jokers who like to have it on the side. Why three? Why,because why jinx something that’s hit the box-office jackpot? There has been the same number in earlier marital merry-go-rounds,notably in Bazmee’s own No Entry. Also in Indra Kumar’s Masti. And a few others whose name will come to me if I think hard enough.

Except,as Irrfan’s character says in the film,“dimaag chal nahin raha hai”. Or words to that effect. It doesn’t need to,actually,in this plot-less,brainless wonder. Picture this. Irrfan,Bobby and Suniel are partners in a yachting business. But instead of selling said yachts,seduction sessions are conducted thereupon,some of which are faithfully recorded on hidden cameras,which are then watched by the trio,with a great deal of glee. Nice. The skinny Sonam (hopelessly miscast) is the heartbroken wife of Bobby. The trampled-upon Rimi belongs to Irrfan who likes to disparage her at all times of the day and night. And the shopaholic Celina is now the wised-up spouse of Suniel. The saviour in their lives is Akshay Bhaiyya (also called Bhai),who goes by the name of Kisna: he even plays a long flute to attract all kinds of “gori gopis”,get it?

After Shetty,it’s Irrfan who makes you laugh,but not entirely for the right reasons. We’ve seen Akshay sandwiched between swaying bottoms before. Shetty and Deol,too. But this is a first for Irrfan,and you can’t quite make up your mind upon which is more cringe-making: his face between the butts (even if one of those belongs to item girl Mallika),or his hands waving in the air,trying to execute a Bollywood jhatka. You give up,and laugh. Sometimes,that is the only way out.

shubhra.gupta@expressindia.com