Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan movie review: A tired, unimaginative amalgamation of every Salman Khan version

There’s the Southern contingent, in the shape of Venkatesh (former rowdy turned saintly non-violent type) and Jagapathi Babu (growly villain with a thousand henchmen), safely tucked away in the post-interval section, by which time Bhaijaan has had enough time to display his standard totems: the Bhai walk, arms akimbo; the Bhai bracelet, with that azure stone; the Bhai line, which given these times, is doused in patriotism.

There’s Vijender Singh, the real-life boxer turned out as the most ineffective baddie Bollywood has produced in a long time. There’s the late Satish Kaushik, sadly wasted. Rohini Hattangadi shows up as a matriarch, and presides over the mindless mayhem that ensues in the second half. That’s not to say that the first half is any better; whoever’s written this thing has made sure that it will not get any scripting awards.

Watch the trailer of Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan starring Salman Khan

That’s not all. Two of Salman’s leading ladies, Bhagyashree and Bhumika Chawla, are here, the first fleetingly, the second with a little more screen time. What function do they fulfil other than reminding us of the two blockbusters (Maine Pyaar Kiya and Tere Naam) he did with them? These ladies are also nothing but totems. Duh.

In his earlier films, Salman at least had names — Prem being the most popular — and Bhaijaan was just the moniker his besotted fans bestowed upon him. In this latest outing, a remake of the 2014 Tamil-language ‘Veeram’, such niceties have been dispensed with, because, a) what’s in a name? And b) who cares, everyone knows it’s Bhaijaan, right? But names have weight: the last time a Salman film had Bhaijan in the title, its prefix was ‘Bajrangi’, and that solid Kabir Khan film had, verily, a story. This Bhaijaan is running on empty.

Even at that climactic moment when the shirt is about to be taken off, because it is that time, there’s no excitement: this Bhaijaan is a tired, unimaginative amalgamation of every Bhaijaan version we’ve seen. Was that short but propulsive appearance in ‘Pathaan’ a mirage, or a perfectly-timed walk-on part inserted cleverly, and ironically, into the right spot?

You do know the trouble with legends? They wane.

Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan movie cast: Salman Khan
Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan movie director: Farhad Samji
Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan movie rating: 1 star