Housefull 4 cast: Akshay Kumar, Riteish Deshmukh, Bobby Deol, Rana Dagubatti, Chunky Pandey, Kriti Sanon, Kriti Kharbanda, Pooja Hegde, Ranjeet, Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Johny Lever
Housefull 4 director: Farhad Samji
Housefull 4 rating: No stars
Brain: Oh my god, it’s that time again. You are going for Housefull 4.
Me, weakly: Yeah. Just doing my job.
Brain: Well what can I say, you will never learn.
Me: Who knows, it may be better than the last time. Go away, wilya?
Two and a half hours later, brain, up from a deep slumber: So, so?
Me: Well what can I say, you guessed right.
Brain, triumphant: Tell me all.
Me: Don’t say you didn’t ask for it. So Akshay, who is here for the fourth time round, plays a bald fellow, whose shining pate is the favourite landing spot for pigeon s–t. Riteish, who has been around for as long, is a `nachaniya’. Chunky Pandey is back again too, babbling about Akhri pasta and `rasta’. Bobby Deol shows up to basically because someone wanted him to remind us of Dharmendra in a skirt.
Brain: Wait, what.
Me: Don’t you remember Dharam in Dharam-Veer?
Brain: No, I have amnesia when it comes to certain things.
Me: Never mind all that. And then there’s some extended blather about punarjanam, and a flashback to 1419..
Brain, admiringly: That’s specific
Me: Keep quiet and listen. And there are ornate castles and Rana Daggubati as an ogre, I mean he is human but ogre-like, and many references to Baahubali. Nawazuddin pops up too. Don’t ask me what he’s doing there. I’m sure he doesn’t either. And there’s Ranjeet whose only job is to leer and grunt and stare at female chests.
Brain: Who are the women?
Me: Dunno, they all look alike and sound alike. You could switch them around and not know the difference. And then..
Brain, interrupting: You mean there’s more?
Me: Absolutely. You have to listen to those endless dialogues about pig excrement and how some people are made to eat it..
Brain: Stop. Enough. I’m done.
Me: Ok, ok. Just let me tell you about a female character who makes a face and says..
Brain: Quick, can’t bear it anymore, WHAT DOES SHE SAY?
Me: Thookey, pukey.
Brain: Trust you to save the best for the last.