Half of 2015 has flown by, and it’s worth taking stock of Bollywood. So, I did some good-natured hacking to get into the cell phones of the newsmakers so far, to know their current status updates. Believe it at your own risk, after all it’s hacking:
Deepika Padukone: After Piku you can formally address me as the New Queen.
Kangana Ranaut: 150 crore dahlings. Queen is sooo last year. Call me Empress.
Salman Khan: For my fans, there are no bylaws only Bhai laws.
Shah Rukh Khan: The competition is now at home in the form of AbRam.
Anushka Sharma: From PK to VK.
Ranbir Kapoor: Allergic to all things Velvet.
Zoya Akhtar: Rich, beautiful people also have problems, okay!
Anurag Kashyap: Media made me a star when I was a nobody but when stars started thinking I am somebody media treated me like everybody.
Priyanka Chopra: First they mock your accent then you troll them by toplining an American TV show. I’m Hollywood baby.
Varun Dhawan: I can make a Badlapur work as well as ABCD 2. That’s right, you can call me the New Ranbir.
Aamir Khan: They loved me as an alien but not so much as a dog. Feel like an alien on Pluto.
Karan Johar: I can act. I can host. I can dance. Now I have to remind people that I’m actually a director.
Amitabh Bachchan: Take your pick: Anand’s Bhaskar Banerjee or Piku’s Bhaskor Banerjee.
Ranveer Singh: Battery Never Low.
Akshay Kumar: Nobody mentions my hits Baby and Gabbar Is Back, all they want to know is when is my wife writing a film for me next.
Anil Kapoor: I always feel I’m on top of the world!!
Emraan Hashmi: These days everyone is a serial kisser. No wonder I lost my mojo.
Shahid Kapoor: Currently Listening To: Mira bhajans.
Sonam Kapoor: My Ellie Saab feathery gown at Cannes was couture with a ‘c’. You all just don’t get fashion. You know what I mean!
R Madhavan: Tanu Weds Manu Returns starring R. Madhavan.
Dibakar Banerjee: The real mystery of Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! is if there will be a Part 2.
Irrfan: These Bollywood heroes are still talking 100 and 200 crore clubs while my last film made $ 1 billion dollars.
Shoojit Sircar: Sperm done. Shit done. Next is what?
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