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Kalki Koechlin says she had to maintain distance from Anurag Kashyap after their divorce: ‘Therapy alone not helpful’
In a recent conversation, Kalki Koechlin opened up about how she and Anurag Kashyap have worked towards maintaining a healthy dynamic after the breakdown of their marriage.
Kalki Koechlin and Anurag Kashyap separated in 2015.
Kalki Koechlin has long been vocal about mental health awareness and has never shied away from speaking about her personal experiences in the public eye. Now, the actor has once again opened up, this time about her relationship with ex-husband Anurag Kashyap, and how they have worked towards maintaining a healthier dynamic after the breakdown of their marriage.
‘Need to feel your grief for some time’
In a conversation with NDTV, Kalki admitted that the journey has been far from easy, revealing that it took years of effort, including therapy. But she is clear that therapy alone isn’t a complete solution. “I don’t think therapy alone helps. Firstly, when you’re going through a lot of grief, it’s sometimes even hard to do therapy because you need to feel your grief for some time. Therapy helps in the long term, and I highly recommend it.”
She elaborated further on the process of healing and letting go. “In the long term, if you don’t want to hold grudges against some people who’ve hurt you, it’s a wonderful tool to go back way in the past and to cope with the future because people are going to hurt you all the time. So to cope with that, it’s a great mechanism over the long term. But I think in that time when it’s really raw, when you’ve really hurt each other, it’s very important to have a period of non-communication.”
‘Spend time away from each other’
Kalki Koechlin also reflected on the importance of distance after a breakup, suggesting a rule of thumb she finds helpful. “They say if you’ve been in a relationship for however long you’ve been in the relationship for, you should spend half that time being away from each other. If you’ve been together for six months, three months, you don’t communicate. I think it’s quite a nice measurement. I don’t know who came up with it, but I think it makes logical sense. You need that much time.”
Kalki emphasised the need to process emotions away from the person involved. According to her, it is crucial to express anger, pain and frustration with close friends or family, rather than directing it at the person who caused it. “That’s not everything that they are. And then you start to remember the good things you had. And that’s when you have a clue. Once you start remembering the good memories from your relationship, that’s when you’re like, okay, I might be ready to meet this person again.”
‘Divorce was not easy for us’
In an earlier interview with Zoom, Kalki Koechlin had also spoken about the difficulty of navigating life after her divorce from Anurag Kashyap, especially in the initial years. Kalki said, “The first few years after the divorce were not easy for us. Then came a point when we were like ‘we need to stay out of each other’s lives’ because it was hurtful to see the other person with somebody else, just the reminders are so strong.”
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She added, “It does take a few years. We didn’t get to it immediately and distance helped. Now we are in a good place and we are able to catch up once in a while.”
Kalki Koechlin made her acting debut in Dev.D, directed by Anurag Kashyap. The two married in 2011 but eventually separated in 2015. In 2019, she announced her pregnancy with her partner, Guy Hershberg. Their daughter was born in 2020, and the couple went on to marry in 2024.
Disclaimer: This article shares personal reflections on emotional healing and the role of therapy in navigating life transitions. The insights provided are based on the individual’s personal journey and are for informational purposes only. They should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health advice or clinical treatment. If you are experiencing emotional distress or seeking guidance for your mental well-being, consulting a qualified therapist or professional counsellor is highly recommended.
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