(‘My dear students’, a fortnightly column that is a conversation with young minds on current events, books, popular culture — just about anything that’s worth talking over a cup of coffee.)
My dear students,
On a recent trip to London, I was returning to my accommodation when I was accosted by a white English lady who was staring at me with wonder. I had seen her before; she and I were neighbours but I doubt she had noticed me. ‘Are you Benjamin by any chance’, she asked. ‘No, I am not Benjamin’, I replied and by now I was amused and piqued by this question. Without a word she turned way. I really couldn’t let this be the end of the conversation. I asked her if she had ever seen Benjamin before. ‘Of course not’, she said, not unkindly, ‘I called a plumber called Benjamin, and when I saw you I wondered what kind of plumber comes to the house without any tools’. ‘And with an ipad’, I added for effect.
I am not sure what this little exchange meant to me. The conversation in writing sounds much worse than it really was. The lady blurted out whatever came to her mind. It didn’t offend me much, although I suppose there is some potentially offensive subtext to the conversation in being mistaken for a plumber because of my skin colour. But I think too much is made of people’s foibles. It’s okay to be silly sometimes and make a faux pas. I have made quite a few myself and no doubt I will make plenty more in the future.
But I sometimes fear that your generation takes everything a bit too seriously. We must be against speech that deliberately or recklessly targets groups on the basis of markers such as caste and gender. But leaving aside harassment and hate speech, we must take into account speaker intentions while evaluating statements and leave some elbow room for just senseless behaviour.
I noticed that in the United Kingdom, there is a debate today about racism in cricket. People felt uncomfortable about what was said by white players to brown players. Of course this is important. Very many people do not stop and consider being kind to people. And that’s wrong. But that’s different from saying we should punish these people. In the racism in cricket imbroglio, too much effort was spent on what to do with individual racists. But racist individuals are also products of their circumstances. In these circumstances, we are better off educating people and counselling better behaviour. Educating and counselling are boring and tedious. Outrage and blaming are more fun. But it corrodes our relationships.
I don’t know what can be achieved by cancelling people for the slightest missteps. Weaponising people’s foibles only adds to the general atmosphere of toxicity that we have to contend with. Our social media saturated interactions encourage this kind of behaviour. No one pays attention to a tweet that counsels maturity, but plenty of retweets will be attached to a polemic that fixates on some mildly offensive or uninformed statement made by someone.
And this brings me to my final point. Many of you are entering universities where people are going to say all kinds of things to you. Some of these things are going to be unkind. You need to be firm with these people. But you need to be firm with yourself as well. Individually and collectively, try to err on the side of generosity towards others.
Remember that famous passage from ‘To Sir with, Love’ by ER Braithwaite. A brilliant young black man struggles to get a job in 1950s London. He has a chance meeting with an old man in St James Park who advises him to apply for a job in an East London school. The young man demurs, thinking this will be a step down for him, when he was reminded gently by the old man that declining an opportunity in the boondocks would be exhibiting a prejudice that was similar to the one the young man had endured so far from others. You must call out rude and loutish behaviour. But be careful that in the process you don’t become unkind yourself.
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