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The Digital Afterlife of the Queer

Confirmation that his sexuality would not be an impediment in the larger social context,something that MovenPick provided.

Coming out to family and friends is not always easy. A number of dedicated websites have now developed to provide LGBTs with a support system

It was in his early twenties that Madurai-born Shridhar Sadasivan typed the keywords— connection,community,Queer Chennai on the Yahoo group MovenPick (a non-sexual support space for lesbian/ gay/ bi/ transgendered (LGBT) people in Chennai). What was he looking for? Confirmation that his sexuality would not be an impediment in the larger social context,something that MovenPick provided. As opposed to children from hipper,and less conservative outposts,Sadasivan,now in his early 30s “suffered with shame and guilt” all through his teen life. “I had no clue about homosexuality. I had no one to reach out to. I tried to kill myself. I found Internet and it helped me understand my sexuality,accept and be comfortable with who I am and then come out to my friends and family”,shares Sadasivan,who is now currently based in New Jersey,United States,where he works in the IT industry.

Past the closet days,Sadasivan is now making a splash with his profound stories that are published in the Tamil magazine Thinnai and Thendral. He is also a member of the executive team of,a bilingual LGBT resource website and is trying to create awareness in the mainstream about LGBT issues through his writings. “Indian kids normally discuss attraction,sexual feelings with friends. But kids with same-sex attraction can never discuss with their friends,so there is no support system other than the Internet as of now,” rues Sadasivan.

It is a common queer narrative. The rise of the Internet has kickstarted the emergence of a worldwide queer support system. “The personal coming out experience is certainly enhanced by the emergence of online communities. The website lends them anonymity,as people do not give out their real names. If you are anonymous,you can say whatever you want,people can’t judge you,” says MJ,Mumbai-based co-founder of the two-year-old portal,a first-of-its kind initiative in India,where the desi-gay community comes together and shares personal stories of their struggles and their coming out narratives. Over the past two years,the website is seeing traffic from all over the world,with about 500-600 hits a day of late. “Besides international dating sites,there is no online platform where desis can come over and connect. So we set it up pumping in money from our own pockets,” said MJ. Though still not a commercially viable project,she is wary of asking for donations. “The advertising revenue is next to nothing,so we are looking for other ways of marketing,including endorsements from corporates who are not hesitant to support our cause,” she says. 24-year-old Agnivo Niyogi sees larger implications for the LGBT presence on the web in the socio-media landscape. “Of late,the LGBT community is seen as a good market to invest. It can prove commercially viable through right marketing and niche products. We already have queer stores and queer e-zones,” said the Kolkata-based Niyogi,who is also a contributor to the one-year-old monthly magazine Gaylaxy,an online LGBT magazine. Though there are overseas niche websites such as, — a one-stop-shop for gay weddings that offers products,information,wedding stories and ceremony topics — the scene in India is very nascent. “People are not willing to come up with such ideas. There is a lack of initiative,” rues Niyogi,who works as a content developer with New Age Knowledge Solutions.

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There wasn’t any internet in Thiruvananthapuram,when Krishna Kumar Venkitachalam,now 31,came to grips with his sexuality. There was no one to talk to either. In his early days,Venkitachalam,logged on to Yahoo groups to “find friends online”. Since then,he has moved base to Mumbai,where Venkitachalam,who has a degree in Orthopedics,works in a KPO by the day and slides into the musician avatar as Kris Bass and gigs by night. Bass is also a popular blogger at engayinglife,a seven-year-old blog started in Mumbai. It was through the blog that Venkitachalam chose to come out in 2007. “My sister and her husband first read the blog in 2003 and came to know about my orientation,though I officially came out to my parents in 2008. My mother had known about it for sometime but chose to ignore it since she thought I was too young. She is very supportive,though my Dad is still shaky about it,” shares Venkitachalam. His blog,about “a queer,amateur songwriter and a bassist gives an insight into a person who is also gay”. These days,he is perpetually online,hanging out in chat rooms “not to seek sex but intelligent conversation”. “I am not a gay activist,” notes Venkitachalam. “I am just letting people know that I am pretty much a next door type guy,who also happens to be gay,” he said.

First published on: 26-01-2011 at 10:35:01 pm
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