Ajitkumar Bidwe: From family courts to private marriage counselor

“A hundred per cent perfect couple does not exist in the world, so we have to identify the problems and overcome them,” he says.

Bidwe says that in private counseling, initially only one party approaches him and comes up with lots of allegations against the other. “Instead of making allegations, we try to identify and accept the problem in the relationship,” said Bidwe.

Whoever approaches him first, the next step is to request the other party to join, he says. Bidwe sits with his clients in his living room. “In the first session, they introduce themselves, give history on their marriage. If it is arranged or love marriage and where they stay and how did the problem start and the relief sought. In the second session, we request the other party to come and give them the priority, we hear their side of story and their problems and if possible on that day, we make them sit together and try to work out their relationship,” Bidwe says.

Bidwe says that divorce rate has considerably increased. In 1989, when the family courts started there were 2-3 thousands cases per year and now it has increased to 10-15 thousands a year. Most of his clients are in the age group of 20-35 and are married for under 10 years.

Common complaints, Bidwe says include husbands coming home late or spending lot of time on his phone. Sometimes, he has to go to the extent of talking to other members of the family, friends of colleagues of the couple to help them reconcile.

In a city like Mumbai, some of the most common reasons for separation are interference by the family members of the couple and paucity of space. Bidwe says that the second reason for separation is the space problem. “In city like Mumbai, where there are small houses, couples get less privacy and not much time to spend together. Another reason is alcohol or gambling addition, for which we suggest them de-addiction centres,” Bidwe said. Quick to break ice, Bidwe says his job is easing the couples into talking about their troubles including their sex life and extra-marital affairs.

“We see how much is the damage and is there a possibility to come back together. We can’t advice a party to forgive him or her, we rather ask the guilty person to admit their mistake, see if they can give assurance that it will never happen again,” Bidwe says. Bidwe takes one hour 20 minutes with each party and charges Rs 1,000 per session. His private counseling sessions are at home and he gets clients by word of mouth.