Expert explains: How can parents spot early signs of stress in kids — and what to do about it

Among secondary students aged 12-18, the concerns often include social anxiety, depressive symptoms, self-critical/ perfectionistic behaviour, academic stress, risky online behaviours, impulsive conduct and occasional self-harm ideation or attempts.

All these issues have evolved – and we now see faster escalation and earlier onset of anxiety/ depression, more school-related performance and humiliation stress, and digital-fuelled peer comparison. The problems are often amplified by continuous social media exposure and reduced unstructured peer play.

Why do children appear more sensitive or fragile today compared to a few years ago?

Several forces shape this. Intense academic pressure and high-stakes testing, ubiquitous social media, constant comparisons, curated lives, and cyberbullying. Also, reduced free and unstructured play, and less face-to-face coping practice.

Parenting styles matter: both overprotection and performance-focus can limit resilience development among children.

There is the issue of stigma and low mental-health literacy in some schools and communities, so problems go unnoticed until they have worsened significantly.

As clinicians, we emphasise early, low-stigma conversations and routine emotional check-ins – small, steady parental curiosity and validation protect children more than grand interventions done too late.

In what specific ways can parents monitor children’s digital lives without becoming controlling?

Parents should co-create digital rules: negotiate screen times, public vs private content, and ‘no-phone’ zones (meals/ bedtime).

The focus should be on behaviour and well being, not spying. They should ask about online experiences and friends; show interest in what the children enjoy.

Use collaborative monitoring – agree on apps/ devices that allow parental oversight transparently. Teach children privacy, critical thinking, and online safety skills rather than only forbidding platforms.

Intervene when online interactions cause distress. Remove or restrict access temporarily while discussing alternatives.

What harm can overprotective or ‘helicopter’ parenting cause to children, and how can parents find a balance?

Such parenting reduces children’s problem-solving practice, fosters dependence, increases anxiety when facing failure, and can diminish self-efficacy.

The balance comes when parents support and scaffold rather than solve. Give graded responsibilities, allow safe failures, and celebrate effort over outcomes. Step in more for safety risks, step back for manageable everyday problems.

After a distressing school incident, what should parents do at home to create safety and openness?

Parents must pause media exposure of the incident, and protect children from graphic details. Provide the child reassurance with words like ‘You might be worried… What’s on your mind?’, and validate their emotions and normalise seeking help from a school counsellor or a therapist.

What are the early-warning signs that parents should never ignore?

Red flags could include talk of hopelessness, ‘I wish I weren’t here’, etc. A sudden, sustained withdrawal from family or friends, or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, are signs.

Watch out for significant changes in sleep, appetite, academic performance, or marked mood swings. Also, increased substance use, aggressive outbursts, or giving away prized possessions.