‘Tell My Mother I Like Boys’: Suvir Saran’s lessons on the art of growing into oneself

Saran manages to answer the one question his younger self struggled with the most: ‘What am I?’ The answer is: ‘I am loved. I am becoming. And that is enough’

3 min readUpdated: Feb 26, 2026 03:45 PM IST

A 3D book cover of Tell My Mother I Like Boys by Suvir Saran standing on a wooden table.

Tell My Mother I Like Boys by Suvir Saran. (Source: Penguin/AI)

“What am I? Why am I who I am? How will people treat me?” These fundamental questions are inescapable for most people. The author of Tell My Mother I Like Boys, Suvir Saran is no exception. His latest book chronicles his life and his journey to discovering himself, in his own words. And the words and lenses he chooses to narrate his life with reveal as much about it as the gritty details.

At its heart, Tell My Mother is only partly about Saran. It is an ode, a love letter to his family, friends, lovers past and present, to India — to the boy he was and the man he is still becoming. “Because they believed [in me], I became. This book is theirs before it is mine.”: With this dedication, Saran sets the tone. The work itself is a chronological account of Saran’s life and all those who shaped it. Bracketed by grief and loss, filled with the highest ups right alongside the lowest lows, and notes on how he survived it all, the book highlights the people who held Saran up.

Suvir Saran is the author of Tell My Mother I Like Boys. (Source: Instagram/@suvirsaran)

Follow love, follow passion

Through the work, the price of individuality and the strength of community are evident — and the importance of both. For Saran, grief and joy are parts of a bigger whole; they are not opposites, they are neighbours. This lesson, taught to him by his loved ones early on, defines the book and the direction his life takes.

The ability to appreciate the duality of life ensures he remains a cautious optimist as he goes through periods of grief, growth, discrimination, success; it is his anchor. It is also what helped a young Saran reconcile his identity with his place in his community. Realising, as a child, that he is gay and that that means many who he thinks of as home will other him, is devastating and, for many in the LGBTQ+ community, a familiar story. Saran lays bare the violence of growing up different, fighting the mirror, the shame, and those who plant it in your mind. He also offers a mantra for growing into yourself despite it all — follow love, follow passion.

What am I?

But Saran’s optimism has a silent enabler — one that receives little mention in the book — privilege. The tone conveys a modest life, but the details reveal a childhood spent with the stars of many industries today and the freedom to explore life on one’s own terms. He goes to Mumbai “to learn” and to New York for “love”. While many of his experiences and sentiments can be universalised, the book stops short, and Saran seems to be a bit out of touch. The book is also, in parts, repetitive and needlessly winding.

But ultimately, Saran manages to answer the one question his younger self struggled with the most: “What am I?” The answer is: “I am loved. I am becoming. And that is enough.” For anyone trying to find a note of similarity, some evidence of survival despite difference, that is an affirming message.

Penguin Random House
220 pages
Rs 699

Sukhmani Malik

Sukhmani Malik is a journalist and sub-editor at The Indian Express, working at the National Editorial and Opinion section. Her work largely focuses on queer rights, gender identity, digital culture, technology, healthcare and literary criticism. Professional Focus Sukhmani often explores how personal identity intersects with larger political and digital landscapes. Her reporting beats include: Transgender and Queer Rights: She frequently reports on legal battles, workplace discrimination, and the socio-economic status of India’s queer community. Digital Culture, Fandom and Technology: She analyses the psychological impact of the internet, Gen Z slang, and the evolution of global fandoms. She also closely watches developments in tech and space. Books and Pop Culture: She provides sharp reviews of contemporary fiction and analyses the political undercurrents of global media icons. Politics and Conflict: She writes about and analyses global politics and trends in the space, with a focus on conflict zones. Recent Notable Articles (Late 2024-2025) Her recent work highlights a blend of social advocacy and sharp cultural commentary: 1. Gender & Rights Advocacy “If I hadn’t been forced to quit, I would have earned lakhs by now” (November 12, 2025): A profile of Jane Kaushik, a trans woman school teacher who took her fight against workplace discrimination to the Supreme Court. “Harry Potter reboot: How J.K. Rowling’s continued anti-trans activism spurred boycott call” (October 17, 2025). “From J.K. Rowling to Congress Manifesto: Where is India’s queer voter?” (April 6, 2024). 2. Digital Trends & Internet Culture “‘Brain rot’ is how Gen Z deals with the chaotic world it inherited” (December 3, 2024): An analysis of the Oxford Word of the Year and its reflection of a generation's surreal disengagement. “Why Liam Payne’s death is also an occasion to mourn the end of a heady era of online fandom” (October 19, 2024). “Why Taylor Swift is the perfect PR progressive for the Kamala Harris campaign” (September 18, 2024). “The City and I: Sleepless in cyberspace” (October 11, 2024): A personal reflection on the paradox of feeling disconnected despite being constantly online. “Reading Elon Musk’s tweets: A ‘cool’ billionaire can’t fix free speech” (November 4, 2022) 3. Literary Reviews & Culture “Chetan Bhagat’s 12 Years review: Tone-deaf take on love and age-gap relationships” (October 25, 2025). “‘Weapons’, ‘Sinners’, and the rise of absurdist horror in a broken world” (September 15, 2025) “At World Book Fair, a clash of ideologies and a celebration of the republic” (February 7, 2025): A report on the regional language sections and the dominance of religious literature. “Alina Gufran’s No Place to Call My Own churns the stomach, but it’s impossible to look away” (March 8, 2025). 4. Politics & Democracy “Trump’s inauguration was a spectacle of Pure White America – brace up for more” (January 22, 2025): A critical perspective on the 2025 US inauguration and its implications for democratic values. “Charlie Kirk assassination: How Trump’s free speech politics deepens America’s democratic crisis” (September 26, 2025). “Reading Joe Sacco’s ‘Palestine’ in 2023: What happens to the war when you look away?” (December 26, 2023) ... Read More

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