If you are somebody who has sworn by Imtiaz Ali movies, you probably really loved Tamasha. The movie beautifully portrays how Deepika Padukone’s character deals with her relationship with a man who is going through an internal crisis. While that was reel, a lot of us know people with mental illnesses fighting their demons such as anxiety attacks, depression, etc., in real life as well. Wonder how a person with a mental illness would be like in his or her interpersonal relationships?
A spoken word poet from Bangalore, Daniel Sukumar, recently took to Facebook to share a moving poem addressing “Whomsoever is dating or in a relationship with a person with mental illness”. The poem has gone viral, most probably because of how its words manage to touch a raw nerve in many on the Internet.
He describes at length how to deal with a partner who has mental illness and in the beginning itself, pleads not to start dating such people because you think you can ‘save them’. Talking to indianexpress.com, the 29-year-old said he wrote the poem because he has a fair share of friends and family members who have been through similar situations. “When you are a person with mental health issues, everyone around you is trying to fix you. Not just romantic partners, friends, neighbors and everyone try to fix us most times. When they can’t, they get frustrated. I wanted to write a poem to address this.. asking everyone to just be patient with people suffering, to just show love, unconditionally,” he said.
\\To whomsoever is dating
or in a relationship
with a person
with mental illness\\
I hope you didn’t pick him
like the puppy you brought home
in 3rd grade or the kitten
you tried hiding from your parents
for 6 months.
I hope you didnt make a cross out of him for you to be his saviour,
I pray that you didn’t take him to be another project that you can fix.
Because your parents didn’t let the puppy in,
the kitten outgrew your secret hiding place and the last time
you tired to fix anything,
you gave up
and left it in a worse condition.
Don’t pick her for her vulnerability,
you have no idea what she does
to get out of bed each day,
you will not believe the hours of sleep
she is running on,
you will dare not do the things she does to put up a smile.
Maybe if you did pick them for that,
Chances are, that they already know.
We are society’s stray for a reason, abandonment is not new to us but still affects us just the same, everytime.
Yes, we know we’ve built our own prisons.
Sometimes we are the prisoners, sometimes we are the guards
but both times we have the keys
and would rather stay in.
If we were in a bunk after a nuclear war,
I would be happy.
Lesser places to be,
fewer people to smile at
and no more sunsets to be sad about. Don’t remind him that.
He might not be the party person you wanted,
she might not be the one to dress up
every Friday but they will,
When they do, know that they love you more than the love they show themselves, when they don’t,
promise to love them the same.
Our minds are landmines of triggers
we don’t know what is buried where.
Words, places, times, colors
and something so little
like an evening drizzle can set them off.
So when you think we are unjustifiably angry, pointlessly dramatic,
know that we are sorry.
We have as much control over these
as a toddler with a mug.
But never, ever push buttons
thinking you know what to expect.
Most times even we don’t.
Do you think we got these scars
by careful planning?
I know all of this is too much to ask,
too much to give
and too much for a daily routine.
But, isn’t that what love is?
When we say the magic word
know that it comes from a place
of so much hate for our self
and yet we chose to love you.
Please be the love that I was not able to show myself,
please be the kindness that world doesn’t show us
and please be the understanding that no one will ever give us.
If it ever comes to a place
where it’s too much for you to take.
Pack your bags, pick up your beds and leave.
But, tell her before you leave.
Tell him, your goodbye.
You see, when a person with mental illness finds love,
he’s always picturing it walking out of the door.
So, this is not the worst that can happen to us,
your absence without a reason is.
But can you stay?
||*Disclaimer: People, irrespective of their illness, disabilities and oppression can still be a******s. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get out. ||