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While a lot of us, busy in the travails of our lives, often forget the inevitability of death, there are others who have had their worlds uprooted after they lost somebody dear. And when it comes in an unexpected turn of events, it becomes even more difficult for the wounds to heal. This father’s response on Quora is a heartwrenching testimony, of how death of a loved one changes one entirely.
When in February, 2017, a Quora user asked the question : “Which is worse: watching your child die, or watching your parent die?”, Lirin Chacko’s painstaking answer garnered a lot of attention, for rightful reasons. Chacko, apparently the Director at CFPL, lost his daughter Jordan when she was barely 31 months old after a fatal accident and elucidates the pain of a parent, who saw their child die an untimely, fateful death and the irreparable damage it brought about in his and his wife’s lives.
Read his heart-wrenching post here.
“I would never want even my enemy to bury his kid.I am now 32 and my wife 28. Ours was a love marriage arranged by our parents.
Up till then I and my wife had never experienced any death in our families. Never visited the cemetery for anyone burial. All was perfect and we were blessed with a beautiful daughter Jordan..
She was 31 months old when we three met an accident. She died after 6 days in coma. My wife had 11 fractures in her skull with a completely disfigured face . I still remember the day we buried her. We both were hurt and our injuries didn’t allow us to cry properly. But we were quiet when they buried her. Empty. No future .Our lives had changed. We spoke to none but found comfort in each other. I started to love my wife once again . This time more than the first.
But the emptiness still remained. We went every month to her grave . Spoke to her in hours. We never socialized. Only watched movies and series and Joel Osteen.
We never feared death anymore. Infact we longed to meet our Jordan. Such a sweet and composed soul and she died just like that. People all around us said that we were so lucky to survive. Our driver lost both his legs. My wife was still recovering from surgery and so was I . But we never ever felt alive.
We cried each night to sleep. Hoping to die in our sleep. But still we kept a brave face infront of our parents. Never cried infront of them.
We then realized how worthless life is. How death tears your life yet it is a truth.
Your life may be a distant lie but your death is a certain truth.
My parents never really experienced our pain simply because Their child was living . They always praised god that we lived and we cursed that why we didn’t die with her .
Time passed and we overcame our grief . We both worked hard at our workplace. She teaches nursing students while I managed my own business.
We are now blessed with a baby girl again. We prayed day and night and God heard us. We kept here name JADYN.
But still somewhere the truth still follows us. We miss our Jordan. Her reference comes every day. But now it makes us smile . We are blessed enough to see our child once again.
We are proudly called as parents. Most importantly my wife is a mother again. A child clings to her , calls her mumma.
But I pray that no one ever sees the death of the child. It is the most painful experience that one can never overcome. We have the best financial and social security and even the love of a beautiful child but still we have not overcome our loss. Jordan will always be missed.
And now we realize that we cannot even part with her memory of her loss even if God decides to erase our memories. It is better to live in her pain than to never have experienced her. We love our Jordan.
Here is a collage of the two sisters taken at Jordans last Christmas and Jadyns first.
Thank you for the question.
And to finally answer your question in a quote just remember
When a parent dies, a child feels his own mortality, but when a child dies, it’s immortality that a parent loses.”