The day of her wedding is definitely one of the most important landmarks in a woman’s life. As much as they are excited and have jitters about the new chapter they are about to embark on, there is also unwanted pressure that they deal with. Wondering what? Well, the pressure to look flawless on her wedding day. While no bride looks anything less than ravishing on her special day, the heightened expectations of the family members, relatives and close ones lead the women to go to unimaginable extents to ensure they look good. It could be expensive makeup, splurging on the perfectly fitted bridal wear, sometimes at the cost of not even feeling comfortable. Tasnim Jara, a 22-year-old woman who lives in Bangladesh, in a recent Facebook post asks if this is necessary at all? “Don’t get me wrong, if a girl wants to use make-up, jewellery and expensive clothes for herself, I am all in for that.
The Founder and President of Aroggo, the first healthcare crowdfunding platform of Bangladesh, Jara points out that it is a problem when the bride loses her agency in deciding what she would like to wear on her wedding day,” she said, talking to indianexpress.com, about her Facebook post that has gone viral.
“I walked into my wedding reception wearing grandmother’s white cotton saree with zero makeup and no jewellery. Many asked me why. So here is my reason.
I was troubled by the singular image of a bride that our society has – with tons of makeup, a weighty dress and mounds of jewellery weighing her down. Don’t be fooled, this lavish image of a bride does not represent the financial well-being or agency of a woman in the family. This sometimes rather happens against their will. As if the society has decided that if we really have to spend money on women, we spend it against their will and for a cause that won’t do them any good.
I have hardly attended any wedding where I didn’t overhear people gossiping: “Is the bride pretty enough?” “How much gold does she have on?” “How much did her dress cost?” Growing up listening to these questions, a bride feels pressured to look for the best makeup artist in town, pays a hefty amount in time, money and energy, and ends up looking nothing like herself; because the society constantly reminds her that her actual skin colour isn’t good enough for her own wedding.
She has learnt from her aunties, peers, and the corporates that a bride is “incomplete” without ornaments; that her and her families’ status depends on how much gold she puts on on the day. She can hardly afford to question if the amount of jewellery she puts on can indeed determine her and her families’ dignity. Because the society keeps pushing with, “You’re a girl. Why wouldn’t you wear gold on your wedding?”
Again, to look like a bride, she needs to wear a crazy expensive dress, which ironically makes walking difficult for her (due to its weight) and never comes of any use after the wedding. But the society won’t accept it any other way.
Don’t get me wrong, if a girl wants to use make-up, jewellery and expensive clothes for herself, I am all in for that. But it is a problem when she loses her agency in deciding what she would like to wear on her wedding day. When the society forces her to doll up and look like a different person, it gives a message that the authentic look of a girl isn’t good enough for her own wedding.
Personally, I feel that we need to change this mindset. A girl should not need a whitening lotion, a gold necklace or an expensive saree to be accepted as a bride or to make her feel confident. So I arrived at my wedding venue wearing my dadu’s saree, with zero makeup and no jewellery.
People may call it simple, but it was very special to me, for what I believe in and what it means to me.
I faced a lot of resistance from many quarters after making this decision. Certain members of my family even said that they won’t take any photo with me because I didn’t dress like (they imagine) a bride. Shoutout to the few family members who have supported me in this, and special shoutout to this person beside me, Khaled, who has not only supported me unconditionally but also beamed at me with so much pride, for taking a stance against the stereotypes.”