Sunday, Mar 29, 2015

Ind vs Pak: The best jokes

India has never lost to Pakistan in a World Cup match. (PTI) India has never lost to Pakistan in a World Cup match. (PTI)
By: Express LOL | New Delhi | Updated: March 22, 2014 9:06 pm

Every India vs. Pakistan cricket match brings with it good-natured banter. Today, most of the jokes are about Pakistan; however, a few years ago, many jokes were about Team India. What we’ve done is pit the best such jokes from the internet against each other, to see whether India can defeat Pakistan yet again – in a battle of jokes, this time!

Round 1

Pakistan 2014 Joke

LOL and ROFL are old. The latest is PROFL: Pakistan Rolling on Floor and Losing.

India 2010 Joke

Q: Who has the easiest job in the Indian squad?

A: The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

We’re going with the Pakistan joke, just because it’s more current. 1-0, the joke’s on Pakistan so far.

Round 2

Pakistan 2014 Joke

The best part about partition of India & Pakistan is that we don’t have to call Rameez Raja our own.

India 2010 Joke

A judge asked a little girl: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?

Girl: No, my mummy beats me

Judge: I guess you want to live with your daddy.

Girl: No, my daddy beats me too.

Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?

Girl: I want to live with the Indian cricket team, I firmly believe they cannot beat anybody!

For sheer skill in setting up the joke, the second wins hands down. 1-1 it is, a wild seesaw ride just like an Ind-Pak cricket match.

Round 3

Pakistan 2014 Joke

When is the Pakistan team most under pressure? When they have one run to chase in 8 overs with 5 wickets in hand.

India 2010 Joke

Even a 350+ Target is achievable.  If Lord Amit Mishra and Sir Ishant Sharma are bowling.

The Pakistan jokes win this, again, for their spectacular ability to turn winning situations into defeats and vice versa. 2-1.

Round 4

Pakistan 2014 Joke

Went to kitchen to drink water. Missed Pakistan’s whole  top order batting.

India 2010 Joke

Q. What does an Indian batsman put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?

A. A bat.

Even though it’s not true any more, the Indian joke wins this round because it takes us back to a time when Sachin was the only thing standing between us and Zimbabwean performances. 2-2.

Round 5

Pakistan 2014 Joke
There are times when my parents curse me for being lazy. During all such times, I remind them about Inzamam-ul-Haq.

India 2010 Joke

A cricketer was talking to his friend in a pub. ‘The Indian cricket team wants me to play for them very badly.’ The reply: ‘Well, you’re just the man for the job.’

Inzamam takes this one in a canter. The joke seems to be on Pakistan, but we can all agree that the cricket rivalry has given rise to good humour off the field.

First Published on: March 22, 20149:05 pm
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