Ayurvedic eugenics

The RSS health wing promises designer babies like Germanic heroes. The fairness cream industry must be quaking.

By: Editorial | Published:May 9, 2017 12:15 am
 RSS, RSS health wing, RSS-ideal infants, Garbh Vigyan Sanskar, fairness cream industry, germany, science culture, indian express The Garbh Vigyan Sanskar (Uterus Science Culture) project of the health wing of the RSS is working on it, and hopes to have thousands of ideal infants on the production line by 2020.

Babies are brought by the stork, the decadent West teaches us, and this very faith in reproductive assistance from random avian fauna may explain their decadence. Fortunately, our ancient civilisation left nothing to chance, and it only remains to codify and institutionalise its knowledge for guaranteeing better, fairer, taller and smarter offspring. The Garbh Vigyan Sanskar (Uterus Science Culture) project of the health wing of the RSS is working on it, and hopes to have thousands of ideal infants on the production line by 2020.

But its protocol is surprisingly Semitic. Parents apparently have small, dark babies because they are impure, but purification is fortunately a simple, protocol-driven process tied to the lunar calendar. Prospective parents should copulate by astrological schedule and watch what they ingest, hear and think. Thus they will clean up the chromosomes in their gametes, and the original sin tattering the telomeres.

Let us, too, untatter our thinking. Let us accentuate the positive. The rise of strapping Germanic heroes and Rhinemaidens in India would annihilate the Rs 3,000-crore fairness cream industry, a national embarrassment. The West will have one excuse less to laugh at us. And the Uterus Science protocol forbids intercourse after childbirth, which is apparently lethal for parents. Let us marvel at the benefits for family planning: The population growth rate must plummet whether parents follow the regimen or not. If they don’t, they’ll die and the population will fall even more steeply. If a foolproof way has been found for conceiving Aryan god-tier babies, why isn’t the ministry of AYUSH providing a firm push already? Maybe because the project can’t go the last mile. What is the use of having tropicalised baby Siegfrieds and Gunthers if they aren’t blue-eyed? Sadly, new paleo-gentic research suggests that the proto-Indo Europeans were mostly dark-eyed. What a downer, baby.

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  1. R
    Reclaim kapali
    May 10, 2017 at 2:40 am
    Perfect, IE has with this article acknowledged its editorial standards, that it is no different from om social media posts. No research or corroboration needed. Congratulations IE, now you can indeed claim to have mastered the new news genre -Fake News. Could the editorial team be bothered to quote some original sources here, or is it going to be "The Wire" published the article, NDTV did and scoopwhoop did. Disgusting prac ioners of the art of smear.
    Reply
    1. G
      g
      May 9, 2017 at 8:49 am
      IE eugenics does not include that this is what Indira g a n d hi did when she married Feroze Khan G a n d hi and Rajiv married Italia Antonia Sonia - experimented customized offspring to rule India and establish fair tall dynasty. The Indira family does not marry black people.
      Reply
      1. J
        Joe
        May 9, 2017 at 12:16 pm
        G> I'm sure if it was not an anonymous public forum people like you wouldn't make such comments because I doubt you are as uneducated as you pretend to be and you know how ridiculous it would make you seem.
        Reply
        1. G
          g
          May 10, 2017 at 1:36 am
          No more ridiculous than IE editorializing a fake news or the transparent Indira Congress Party's preference for a particular dynastic gene pool.
      2. G
        g
        May 9, 2017 at 8:45 am
        ~~~~~~~~~~Warning - fake news and fake editorial. This is a fake news that is being promoted by IE and NDTV. www-dot-opindia-dot-com/2017/05/how-fake-news-about-rss-linked-org-promising-fair-babies-was-invented-by-media/
        Reply