Unnatural orders

A safe distance is maintained and people usually mind their pees and queues.

Written by Dilip Bobb | Published: December 15, 2013 5:42 am

The Supreme Court has opened the proverbial can of worms,or maggots — as the myopic view them. Though seen as a backward cast by most,the right wing see it as the right step and are now pressing for stricter laws to outlaw anything that is against the ‘natural order’. That could mean more petitions and dramatic changes in society which could see India competing with the Taliban. Here are some potential areas

Men holding hands in public: Although a common urban sight among male friends and office colleagues,some activists will now see the potential danger since it could allow homosexuals to do the same without attracting the long arm of the law and being handcuffed. We could see public displays of affection become subject to the PDA — Public Disturbance Act — which means that hand holding will be outlawed as it is disturbing to those who would prefer to see Indian culture return to its rightful origin,the Victorian Age.

Celebrating on cricket grounds: Going by the judicial mood,someone could file a petition demanding a stop to the wicked practice of Indian cricketers exchanging high fives or embracing each other after a wicket fall. Suresh Raina is particularly known for jumping on teammates from behind. Since cricketers are national icons and role models,such physical closeness between males may encourage deviant behaviour among same sex lovers — of the game,that is.

Bathroom etiquette: There are those who think it is not right for men to stand close to each other and expose themselves,as happens in crowded public urinals. Or women for that matter. We could,therefore,see a demand for the banning of such urinals,to prevent men and women from using public spaces to perform a private act. A return to the natural order would be in order,which refers to the sights we see on roadsides and besides railway tracks,where a private act is performed in public. A safe distance is maintained and people usually mind their pees and queues.

Hands-on learning: It could come under the judicial scanner because of its suggestive nomenclature. This has to do with playing with letters,such as LGB and T and is seen by moral high-grounders as one educational process that we could learn to do without.

Khajuraho: Another potential petition has to do with the Khajuraho temples,dedicated to gods and goddesses,and depicting royal members performing sexual acts that are,in some eyes,against Indian culture,or rather modern Indian culture. Since the sculptures were obviously quite acceptable in 10th-century India,it’s an indication of how much the country has progressed.

Homo sapiens: Some geniuses object to humans being referred to by their scientific genus,Homo sapiens,as it sounds alarmingly like an unnatural species — the types who need to visit Baba Ramdev’s ashram to adopt some yoga positions — mainly the Lotus position,to get cured of their deviance. They are likely to petition the courts to put an end to all Darwinian theories,and replace it with one that is more in tune with ‘Indian values’.

Men’s doubles: Judicial overreach,which involves rulings in courts based on personal views rather than existing law,can intrude onto the tennis courts as well. Starting with the Chennai Open,we could see objections filed against men playing together on the same side of the court,bending low,wagging their behinds from side to side,and making obscene signals behind their backs. This,again,is against the natural order of things,especially when it’s a game that has phrases such as ‘love all’.

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