By Cheshta Rajora
Before embarking on a hit-and-trial path to find that ‘special someone’, we advise you to follow certain guidelines. Here’s a list of the kind of guys you should not date, because, it is just simply too tiring to say, “Hey, we need to talk!!!”
1. The Back-from-England type: Well, let’s just say, they hate India and everything that is Indian. They are dressed in the Reeboks, the Pumas, the Tommy Hilfigers, the Armanis, from top to toe. They are heard praising the ‘Eng(rezi)’-land all too often at social parties. If you are grown up watching Simran beg her ‘pitaji’ to let her live her life, and marry Raj, you wouldn’t feel much comfortable around this fella. Supposedly they are very high-maintainence and metro is just too ‘middle-class’ for them. Girl, you stay away from him, hold onto your Indianness, and ask him, if deep inside, he doesn’t wear Rupa still?
2. The I-am-the-next-Gandhi type: With due respect to the concept of minimalism, extreme of any kind is a bit difficult to deal with. This one will roam around without shaving for weeks, dishevelled hair, single pair of jeans for only Gandhiji, err God knows how long. No, even if you are not one of those girlfriends who want their boyfriends to splurge money, gifts and chocolates on them, this guy will make you walk the entire city, because ten rupees are too important. And if God forbid, you happen to go to a social gathering with him, your poor little black sequin dress will feel way too awkward around his kurta pyjama.
3. The “Awwwwwwwwwww” kinds: Okay, we all do that seeing cute babies. And this is no girl-boy debate. Yes, men can do this. But ALL THE TIME? They are the soft ones. And no, you may not be that girl who wants strong men, (or maybe), but you don’t want to be the one who has to drop her guy home at 11 in the night, because he is scared of the street dogs. They find everything you do utterly cute. So much so that two months into the relationship, and you start feeling like a 5-year-old cute baby. Not good for you girl, not good!
4. The let-me-pay-for-you types: “Oh, let me pay, I insist!” Call it the much debatable ‘chivalry’, or just the perks of being too rich, this one will not let you pay. You might enjoy it for sometime, but after one point your conscience will haunt you at midnight from right under your bed. You will have to deal with your guilt pangs everytime he takes his wallet out. And it gets worse when you finally tell him to let you pay, and he takes you to Hard Rock Cafe. BWahahahaha. Take the advise, and make some ground rules from the first day.
5. The I-don’t-have-cash-right-now types: Here is the stark opposite of the previous one. They will NOT pay whatsoever. From, “I only have plastic money”, “I don’t have change, just a……. 5000 note”…to “What you-pay-me-pay haan?”, you wll soon realize (until it’s too late) that you only have some old pennies left in your piggy bank.
6. I am sexy and I know it: These are the self-lovers. Nothing bad in being self-confident, but they keep reminding you how much they love themselves so much so that, well there is no need, utterly no need for you to compliment them. They work out, and the world knows it, because they tell them. They are mostly found inside the bathroom in front of mirrors, enjoying a quality ‘selfie’ time.
7. The ‘All play no study’ kinds: Okay, personal bias intervens, but readers are basically cool. This category is the one which does everything BUT ‘read’. And that by the way even includes newspapers! You cannot even write them long love letters, for who knows they might fall asleep reading them. And if at all you write them love poetry, only Lord can save them. It is one rocket science for them to decode.
8. The Raavans: They treat you differently alone, on phone, at public places, among friends! I call them the Raavans, because they don’t have JUST two faces. You might think it is the bonanza once-in-a-lifetime offer if you get different treatment depending on the place and the people you surround. But really, it’s not. Until of course you have had the habit of multi-dating, this kind is a clear no-no.
Read: Men get more upset by sexual than emotional infidelity