Talking about sex is a taboo in many parts of the world, be it religious or social communities, discussing sex is not accepted openly. But does that solve the zillions of questions that haunt us? No, it doesn’t. So, when a newlywed Muslim woman asked Umm Muladhat to share some tips as she confessed to a disastrous sex life, she decided to do something.
Muladhat now has written a groundbreaking book on ‘halal’ sex, a guide that can guide millions of Muslim women to have a blissful sexual relationship. Published last week, ‘The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex’ is the first such guide written by a Muslim woman. The author, however, has chosen to stay anonymous, using an alias fearing backlash and criticism. Since its release it has been received well and has set the world talking. In fact, many readers have lauded her as a Muslim Belle De Jour, bringing a taboo subject into the open.
The author said that there are plenty of books on marriage, but nothing about spicing up a Muslim’s sex life while staying halal, hence she believes this could solve some real problems.
During her research for the book, Muladhat found that confusion about which sexual acts were permissible in Islam, inhibit Muslim women from experimenting in the bedroom. In an interview with the Guardian, the author said she felt “compelled to write the book after she discovered women were entering into a lifelong commitment with little knowledge about sex other than snippets gleaned from the back of guides to marriage, with an emphasis on what was forbidden, rather than what was allowed, and with little from the perspective of women.”
On her website, she described the two-year journey through which she completed her book. Sharing the horrible experience of her friend, ultimately that inspired her to pen down the book, she wrote, “She knew the mechanics. Insert penis into vagina. Climax. Withdraw. But she didn’t know how to make her husband yearn for her in bed. She didn’t know what he liked. She didn’t even know what she liked! They had begun eagerly but after a few weeks, realized that neither of them was truly enjoying having sex with each other.”
So to help her friend she started “impromptu sex skills workshop” and shared her accumulated knowledge she had gained from 30 years of marriage, magazine articles and candid discussion with friends — which had culminated in a ‘robust sex life’ with her own husband.
Soon, her friend was happy and suggested she should transcribe everything into a book. The book is honest and there are no inhibitions or hush-hush feel, the chapters are pretty explicit and include everything from myth busters about Muslim sex to genital hygiene. It also has dedicated chapters on various sexual positions and other sexual guides. From ‘How to do a strip-tease’ to ‘Doggy-style positions’ and more, it also provides a guide on ‘dirty talks’, ‘shower sex’, ‘forced sex fantasies’ and even ‘BDSM’.
Though many critics have slammed her and have even accused her of fetishising Muslim women and encouraging promiscuity, she clarified she has emphasised on having “sex only with spouse”. “I put an emphasis on having sex only with your spouse, but having the full range of sexual experiences with that spouse,’ the US-born author told The Observer. “Islamically, there’s an emphasis on enjoying physical relationships within the context of marriage, not just for procreation. It is the wife’s right that her husband satisfy her sexually,” Muladhat added.
Organisations such as the Muslim Women’s Network UK have praised the author and believe that the book could also help protect Muslim women from entering into sexually abusive relationships.
After the book’s release, she has received scores of emails from men asking if she is planning to write a book teaching them how to please their wives in bed. The author is also thinking of a follow-up project if this book is successful.