The Expendables 3 review: Stallone doesn’t move anything apart from his biceps

Stallone is at it again, flexing his old muscles for yet another punch at any country that falls between Middle East and Central Asia

Rating: 1 out of 5
Written by Shalini Langer | New Delhi | Updated: August 22, 2014 7:17 pm
The Expendables III review. The Expendables III review.

Directed by Patrick Hughes
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson, Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas
Rating: *

Stallone is at it again, flexing his old muscles for yet another punch at any country that falls between Middle East and Central Asia, with poor old Somalia as collateral damage. Specifics don’t matter, and a thermonuclear bomb and CIA black ops are background noise in a film that’s about bullets, biceps, blasts and lot of blah.

It starts with a break-in into an armoured train carrying all of one prisoner somewhere in the deserts of an old Soviet bloc country, and ends apparently not too far away in a fictional country called Uzmenistan populated only by a very sorry-looking army. The Expendables, led by the creaky Stallone, are sent around these places by Drummer (Ford), a man-of-few-words and dodgy smiles from the Agency. Drummer wants the Expendables to get him Stonebanks (Gibson), an arms dealer and a war crimes accused.

Stallone’s Barney puts together a new, younger team with fresher skills as he is worried about his old, friendlier one getting hurt. That allows this Expendables franchise to draw fresh blood and keeps the doors open for a fourth film. For the most part though, this new group of four, including a woman, is no patch for the oldies, particularly Gibson. The actor who can do little right these days is the only one who gives half a shot at acting in this blast fest, clothed in full-sleeve formals rather than the regulation, fitted black Ts.

Banderas is added to provide the comic relief, but in this spoof of his several swashbuckler fighter roles, he is just irritating.

Not the most expressive of actors, Stallone doesn’t move anything apart from his biceps. Director Hughes is brave though, going in several times for a close-up, at every chance to catch a misty eye. Nope, still nothing.

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  1. M
    Michael
    Aug 23, 2014 at 4:01 am
    What do you expect, it's a expendables movie. It's not suppose to be taken seriously. It's a action shooter thriller story. I enjo it along with the other previous ones and I will certainly enjoy the 4th and 5th ones as well. Expendable 3 will make most of their money in the foreign box office.
    Reply
    1. S
      Sigh.
      Aug 22, 2014 at 2:38 pm
      Let's get a man to review chick flicks, now. A white man to a review and Indian chick flick. I bet it will be a very positive review, and representative of the target audience.
      Reply
      1. A
        Amit Shah
        Aug 24, 2014 at 7:24 am
        The reviewer has absolutely no idea what to expect from Expendables movies. Dear Ms. art film critic we got exactly what we were looking from the movies. Got our monies worth. Every movie targets a different audience and this movie is not for Art house movie buffs. Switch to doordarshan dear I am sure something of your choice is being pla there and no one is watching.
        Reply
        1. M
          Mark
          Aug 29, 2014 at 8:13 pm
          Just to let you know, Shalini Langer , your movie reviews are complete garbage.
          Reply
          1. D
            Death Metal
            Aug 23, 2014 at 4:53 am
            It was a great movie, like almost all of Stallone's. Most people are just a sad bunch who can't appreciate the effort, or can't admit to its greatness.
            Reply
            1. G
              gurpz
              Aug 26, 2014 at 8:28 am
              Expendable 1 was a good move because of raw action. expendables 2 was excellant movie because it has good plot good action especially the starting action part. and expendables 3 is also a very good film like other films of our 80s and 90s action stars. dont believe in these reviews. go and watch the movie. worth a watch
              Reply
              1. R
                Raju
                Aug 25, 2014 at 11:20 am
                Just see who is reviewing...ladies always hate stallone movies. They want pink-fairy like romantic movies
                Reply
                1. Y
                  Yohanne Sanders
                  Oct 15, 2014 at 3:19 pm
                  There are no surprises to be found here. The Expendables 3 is exactly what you'd think it is-a disappointing mish-mash of a throwback, trading in on its star power, with its eye safely fixed on producing more sequels.Highly recommended Website Design Indianapolis Website
                  Reply
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