Cyrus Broacha on why International Womens Day would rather see him and a certain Mr Muthalik hiding
March 08 is International Womens Day. The question little children (most of them women) are asking include: What is the origin of Womens Day?,What exactly is Womens Day? and in Taliban-dominated areas,What exactly is a woman?
The origin of this day can be traced back to Mr and Mrs Paul Smith of South Africa. One day,whilst out on a camping trip in the wild,Mrs Smith found that they had run out of toilet paper. The reason for this was Mr Smith,who had used most of the paper to fashion paper rockets to help him while away time on this particular trip. This enraged Mrs Smith who made a face like an angry gorilla and charged Mr Smith. When Mr Smith was last seen,he was already 27 miles deep into the Savannah.
To ensure such an incident was never repeated,the South African government abolished toilet paper. However,as this turned out to be extremely impractical as well as immensely unhygienic,the government instead decided to create a day for women.
On this day,women would have full discretionary powers,and they may not be disobeyed. This was followed by all other countries and little bodies,and most especially by countries that were little bodies.
Only the Indian National Congress disagreed and decided to tweak this ruling. So a woman would enjoy power not just on one day,but on all days of the year. This practice was also followed by the Bahujan Samaj Party and continues to date.
On a personal level,my wife and I celebrate International Womens Day with three little steps. She walks ahead,and I walk behind,head bowed,three little steps behind her.
Actually,we plan to enjoy a traditional Womens Day. After waking up,my wife will fling my wet towel on me,and berate me simultaneously in three languages for leaving it on the bed. Next,comparisons will be drawn between me and an orangutan with the orangutan coming out looking considerably better. Next,choicest repetitive cusses will rain on me for not leaving the toilet seat down. (Personally,if I ever meet the guy who invented the damn toilet seat,I will have a lot to say).
As the day progresses,all my humans failures will be exposed to all and sundry. Defeated,dejected and disconsolate,I will hit the sack thinking aloud whether God could create a more terrorising woman form than my wife. I will then remember the BSP and peacefully fall asleep,hugging my wife.
Happy Womens Day and Mr Muthalik,in 24 hours,you are free to come out of hiding.
(The writer is a television host and a bottomless wit. He has been married eight years,much to the chagrin of his photographer wife,Ayesha)