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Valentine’s Day: To love freely is a hollow principle

Valentine's Day: What is the modern day free love doing except becoming another commodity for consumption and boosting the 'love' economy?

Written by Nikita Azad | Published: February 13, 2017 12:40 pm
Valentine's day, valentine day, february 14, 14 february, 13 february, valentine day 14 feb, 14 feb valentines day, valentin day, free love, what is free love concept of free love, modern love, love in modern times, valentines, valentines day Knowingly or not, we choose our partners based on our biases of who can and who cannot be loved. (Source: ThinkStock)

If there is something on which we have spent more time than wars, it is probably love. Whether while performing acts of love in the most unconscious ways or understanding the subtlest forms of it in the most challenging exercises intellectually, we seem to have moved not the least bit far from the L-word’s fantasy. This is precisely why it sounds intriguing and exciting to many to be able to witness and become a part of an entire day dedicated to love, St. Valentine’s Day.

It is that time of the year when many young people invest their love in their partners through gifts, parties, and sometimes, even proposals of lifetime associations. It is the day when the idea of love is practiced and challenged simultaneously, especially in a society like ours. While this love, which is essentially a romantic one, tends to disagree with arranged marriages and company, it remains oblivious of its own selective nature. In other words, since love is seen as an inner communion with someone, it is believed to happen and flourish in an extra-societal and extra-political space. But since this belief itself is a manifestation of the neo-liberal notion of existing apolitically, it is difficult not to notice how the idea of love is manoeuvred by neo-liberalism and its unique relationship with patriarchy and communalism.

A year ago, an online domestic help provider site ran an advertisement on Valentine’s Day, which read, “Diamonds are useless. Gift your wife a ‘bai’ this Valentine’s.” What this ad intends to say is that women need diamonds to feel loved and that their actual position is in the kitchen (whether she is your wife or a domestic help). And it also assumes, in a rather sexist way, that it is always women who can be gifted domestic help since managing a home is supposedly women’s responsibility and working outside is men’s privilege. This portrayal of love, achieved through love marriage, is no different from love in any feudal and male-dominated relationship. It begs the question that if romantic love functions and survives on the basis of toxic masculinity and patriarchy, how is it any better from its predecessors and contenders?

What I am trying to say is that our actions, desires, and expectations from romantic love, the love we choose, are founded upon our socialization of years. Knowingly or not, we choose our partners based on our biases of who can and who cannot be loved. In times like ours, a Hindu woman might love another upper-caste Hindu man, but not a Muslim or a Dalit. And this choice does not have to be imposed always because our consciousness works in a way that we never imagine of loving outside the boundaries. Not only do we embrace this casteist, classist, sexist, and homophobic love, we also become its living embodiments. In that case, the belief that we can love freely is nothing but a hollow principle.

Now, this is not to say that all people derive happiness from such relationships; rather, the conflict between liberal values of capitalism and backward values at home gives rise to major unrest among families and couples. More often than not, I have heard people complain that marriage has changed their love for each other drastically. The statistics reveal that people are falling in depression and suffering from mental illness now more rapidly than ever all over the world. Then, what is the modern day free love doing except becoming another commodity for consumption and boosting the ‘love’ economy?

On another note, when our leaders incite hatred and our relationships are formed upon it, can we expect a ‘love’ groomed in this very system to save us? In other words, where creating an ‘outside enemy’ is the precondition of the survival of nations, how can we expect to be friendly to each other? A place where selfishness is a virtue because we have to achieve high grades and well paying jobs, and altruism and empathy are waste of time, the practice of a day-long ‘true love’ is already a failed mission. Because one cannot truly learn to love until all are loved.


The authoris a graduation student based out of Patiala, Punjab. She can be reached at nikarora0309@gmail.com. Views expressed are personal.

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  1. S
    Feb 9, 2018 at 1:49 pm
    That was a good and interesting post.
    1. Neeta Raghuwanshi
      Jan 23, 2018 at 12:29 pm
      #Republic Day Offers 2018 - Republic Day from Amazon........ Excellent Valentine's Day special guide , Really Nice one AMAZON ONLINE STORE : s: amazon /s?marketplaceID A21TJRUUN4KGV me A15LDS6YFSUMPY merchant A15LDS6YFSUMPY redirect true
      1. F
        Feb 16, 2017 at 6:32 am
        when we are young we entertain valentine day but when we grow old we try all hurdles for youth
        1. H
          Feb 20, 2017 at 12:51 pm
          People can do marketing of anything that does mean the importance of love in human life become less. Actually love teaches a sharing and respecting of others to make ourselves happy and those oppose valentine it means they do not want other to be happy except themselves. However, diamond and kitchen theory mentioned in the article appears absurd because nobody can do love without kitchen and to consider it subsidiary is really a bad thing. One may find many frustrated souls around due to poor kitchen irrespective of their hefty pockets. Thus, one should not forget the basic chemistry that love solely depend on kitchen and one should start respecting kitchen and not diamond if one wants to achieve real happiness in their life.
          1. mansi
            Feb 24, 2017 at 11:24 am
            the write up and understanding is quite beautiful. Its the part of the year where everyone splurges on their loved ones like mad. My idea is a bit different this time.lt;br/gt;lt;br/gt;
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