Dileep’s remark after his wedding reflects a misplaced sense of superiority — but not just his own

The misplaced sense of patriarchy in Dileep's words directed towards 'protecting the honour' of Kavya Madhavan who has been affected by rumours that surrounded them, was too obvious to go unnoticed.

Written by Soumya Mathew | New Delhi | Updated: November 26, 2016 3:31 pm
dileep kavya madhavan, dileep wedding, dileep kavya madhavan wedding, dileep media wedding, dileep kavya movies, mammooty, mammooty kasaba, mammooty kasaba dialogue, ranjini haridas, ranjini haridas facebook page, indian express, indian express news Dileep and Kavya Madhavan got married in a private ceremony on November 25, 2016. (Source: File photo)

“You all are aware of the problems in my life. However, Kavya was not the reason for any of them. Hence I wanted to marry the girl who had been made a scapegoat by linking her to me,” Malayalam actor Dileep reportedly said to the media after his wedding to actor Kavya Madhavan on November 25.

Dileep and his visibly happy, newly wedded wife, with folded hands, asked for everyone’s blessings and support as they talked to the media. While the wedding came as a surprise to many, rumour mills had linked both the actors to each other for over a decade. But more than the wedding in itself, what caught me off-guard was this particular comment by the 48-year-old actor as he spoke to the media. The misplaced sense of patriarchy in his words directed towards ‘protecting the honour’ of a woman who has been affected by rumours that surrounded them, was too obvious to go unnoticed.

After separating from his wife Manju Warrier, I remember reading an interview of the actor in Vanitha — the staple fortnightly magazine in every Malayali household — that he did not want Warrier to work. He had further said that he was earning enough for his family, and he wanted his wife to be at home looking after their daughter.

The actor got married to Warrier in 1998, while she was at the prime of her career and had given stellar performances in cult Malayalam movies like Aaramthamburan (1997), Kanmadam (1998),  to name a few. Her absence after marriage created a void in Malayalam cinema.

Warrier returned to the screens with a powerful performance in ‘How Old Are You?’ (2015) which many say had an eerie resemblance to her personal life too.

Which is why, the actor’s comment did not surprise me. From what he said, this is what I deduced: He did not marry Kavya Madhavan because he wanted to. It was the benevolence of the ‘alpha male’ in him that made him do so.

For the uninitiated, Madhavan had given brilliant performances in Naalu Pennungal (2007), Gaddama (2011), Perumazhakkalam (2004) — a clearly successful career, and never comes across as a woman who required the kindness of the man she was linked to, as a part of being in the industry. Dileep and Madhavan, are evidently, one of the most loved on-screen couples, and have been paired together in 16 out of the 21 films they had acted in. I wonder where was this sense of ‘protection’ when he was acting along with Madhavan in films, even after the media speculated their link-ups and made her a “scapegoat”.

But it is not just Dileep. Kerala, which is still seen as a predominantly matriarchal society, is ridden with misogyny. When Ranjini Haridas waltzed cheerfully into the Malayali households as the anchor of a popular singing based-reality show, people were confused. They were used to the demure, soft spoken women on TV. So the loudmouthed, UK returned, heavily accented Malayalam speaking Haridas, was too spicy for their palate. A quick glance through her Facebook page will show comments that explicitly abusing her, asking her to go die, calling her a slut, a eunuch, ugly, etc., — all by men.

A man's comment asking Haridas to go die. (Source: Ranjini Haridas/Facebook) A man’s comment asking Haridas to go die. (Source: Ranjini Haridas/Facebook)

A lot of women in the same comments section, however, write how much they like her. They love the confident charisma she brings to the screen. Somewhere they all know she did what they always wanted to — give it right back to patriarchy and live life without apprehensions about the society’s ‘tch tch’.

Veteran actor Mammooty’s film Kasaba came under much scrutiny after his character, that of a police officer, mouthed an utterly obscene dialogue to a fellow policewoman that contained references to how he could easily make her miss her menstrual cycle. The film was a hit.

Mammooty in a still from Kasaba. (Source: File photo) Mammooty in a still from Kasaba. (Source: File photo)

I can easily picture Zachariah grabbing the woman IPS officer by her belt, and saying this to her, while the crowds in the theatres hoot and break into an applause —not just the men, but the women as well, perpetrating the patriarchal superiority.

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First Published on: November 26, 2016 3:20 pm
  1. A
    Anand
    Nov 29, 2016 at 3:00 pm
    Soumya, nice article. A balanced riposte on the patriarchal and misogynist atudes of us Kerala men. Would have been even better if you addressed the ladies as Kavya and Manju instead of their surnames. Nitpicking may be...but get the drift?
    Reply
    1. K
      Kris
      Nov 28, 2016 at 11:51 am
      Antony, dont include BJP as a religious organization. The party may be predominantly Hindu but it has several members from the so called minority communities, who in fact rule the majority due to political opportunism. Hindus have been more or less self disciplined rather than induced by the religious fundamentalist organizations of other two religions in Kerala.
      Reply
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        Anon
        Nov 27, 2016 at 1:07 pm
        My my such chivalry! Thank God he was not linked to more than one woman. Poor fellow would have been in such a dilemma rescuing the honour of helpless women!
        Reply
        1. C
          c
          Nov 26, 2016 at 2:18 pm
          C p Chandra das, from Memphis, USAlt;br/gt;lt;br/gt;We will wish Mr and Mrs Dileep a good future.lt;br/gt;The learned columnist has objectively scanned the comments of the actor after marriage. The tone of male superiority was writ large in the comments. That tone should disappear the next minute for the success of their married life for the dimple reason, that Kavya also is a highly talented actress, liked by the Keralites. There should not be domination by either party for a smooth journey in life
          Reply
          1. P
            purnima
            Nov 28, 2016 at 7:54 am
            so why not make this an ambador for womens rescue...utter nonsense....he was jealous of manju...
            Reply
            1. D
              DEBAS
              Nov 26, 2016 at 11:43 pm
              hey ,watch out for most the amazing and marvelous and wonderful wedding of KAVYA:
              Reply
              1. D
                DEBAS
                Nov 26, 2016 at 11:43 pm
                hey ,watch out for most the marvelous and wonderful wedding of KAVYA:
                Reply
                1. D
                  DEBAS
                  Nov 26, 2016 at 11:44 pm
                  the amazing and marvelous and wonderful wedding of KAVYA:
                  Reply
                  1. D
                    Deepa Nagaraj
                    Nov 27, 2016 at 8:50 am
                    Dileep is dominating and a patriarchal male.....which was evident from the failed marriage of his to Manju Warrier....It is almost a crime not to let talented artists like Manju warrier to work in films or perform dances on stage after wedding....Hats off Manju...finally you showed courage to come out of a dead-end marriage...
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                      deepsea
                      Nov 26, 2016 at 12:35 pm
                      Oh yes.thats how he has always liked to portray himself. Though I have been a fan as an actor.not so much as a person. I hope Kavya is given the respect as a woman and wife she deserves.
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                      1. D
                        DA
                        Nov 28, 2016 at 4:15 pm
                        Marriage has its originals as a social contract between two families. The concept of Patriarchy is a necessary condition for the insution of marriage. Most hunter-gatherer societies did not marry - they cohabited. Many still do. Polygamy and polyandry are not the exception. They are the norm.lt;br/gt;lt;br/gt;Patriarchy was necessary to establish land-rights in societies that practiced agriculture. These led to city states, and eventually civilisations and nations. This could not have been possible if ownership of land always remained contested.lt;br/gt;lt;br/gt;If you wish to appropriate marriage for something it never was meant to be, that is fine too. But say so. Don't hide behind semantics.lt;br/gt;lt;br/gt;Whether marriage as an insution is still relevant is open to question. For that, let's first enshrine an individual's right to property in the consution. That will make ownership of land transaction - not something based on tradition or inheritance.
                        Reply
                        1. D
                          DD
                          Nov 26, 2016 at 1:44 pm
                          why dont u fkng mind ur own business
                          Reply
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                            Antony
                            Nov 26, 2016 at 4:08 pm
                            I already mentioned religious organizations that include Christian church. The rise of bjp is the last nail in the coffin. Everybody compete to be more moral and result we can see now!
                            Reply
                            1. A
                              Antony
                              Nov 26, 2016 at 12:39 pm
                              Kerala is a literate state but unfortunately religious organizations has made my state unlivable for young people. Rampant moral policing every where some times even you cannot even sit with your wife in a park. No pubs no discos or any other entertainment for young people available in this state. Arrival of BJP also now made things more complicated. I can say it has become a true taliban state now!
                              Reply
                              1. S
                                Sriniwasan
                                Nov 28, 2016 at 4:52 am
                                Truth is the casualty in the Film Industry matrimonial relationship between the stars.To ask a talented wife to stay at home shows the Ego of this weird character called Dileep.lt;br/gt;As for Ranjini Haridas it is not the persona but her cr mixing up of both the language which was irritating as a presenter of a por TV Show.lt;br/gt;It revealed not only Ranjini Haridas inferiority complex but also was trying to indulge in her own way some kind of show off atude as if the viewers are some kind of Morons watching the show.
                                Reply
                                1. S
                                  swetha suresh
                                  Nov 28, 2016 at 1:55 pm
                                  why did you read it then???
                                  Reply
                                  1. V
                                    Vijaya Janakiraman
                                    Nov 28, 2016 at 6:13 am
                                    Please let them live their lives. His wife had walked away from him and enjoying life in her terms. You expect Dileep to sit like a saint wailing for his estranged wife. He chose to marry and yes he chose to marry the girl whose life was affected because of him in some ways. So he has done justice to himself and Kavya. Now why you all cry???
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                                    1. J
                                      Jayan
                                      Nov 29, 2016 at 6:05 am
                                      spot on
                                      Reply
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                                        Akash Amber
                                        Nov 26, 2016 at 1:41 pm
                                        You have to drag BJP into everything don't you? Why are you afraid to say that the rising Islamic fundamentalism in Kerala is ruining the state? All cases of moral policing in Kerala happened in Muslim dominated areas and it is indeed a worrying development. No pubs and no discos is not because of BJP. The political parties in Kerala who claim to be secularists is controlled by by the Christian seminary and Muslim ulema. Their political agenda will is what drives the state
                                        Reply
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                                          Ramesh Mahalingam
                                          Nov 26, 2016 at 3:20 pm
                                          ONE THING WHICH NEEDS TO BE APPRECIATED ABOUT KERALITES.. THEY ARE VERY INTELLIGENT AND HARD WORKING. THEY SEE DIGNITY OF LABOUT ONLY IN KERALA. THE SAME DIGNITY OF LABOUR DOES THE VANISHING ACT WHEN THEY ARE OUTSIDE KERALA. THEY ARE SOCIALLY A VERY AWARE SECT AND THIS NEEDS TO BE APPRECIATED AT ALL COSTS. ---RAMESH MAHALINGAM
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                                            Ramesh Mahalingam
                                            Nov 26, 2016 at 3:22 pm
                                            WELL SAID. YOU HAVE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. MOST OF THEM ARE PSEUDO INTELLECTUALS. THEY ACCEPT THE REALITY OUTSIDE KERALA AND WILL ADAPT SUITABLY. IN KERALA, THEY WOULD LIKE TO ACT AS ELEPHANTS . IN REALITY , THEY ARE NOT----RAMESH MAHALINGAM
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